Category Archives: Community

Behavior, Community, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Teaching Respect

“Kids just don’t respect their parents like they used  to. Boy, when I was growing up if I spoke to my parents  the way kids speak to their parents today; I’d get a slap  from my father. There would be no way that I would use  such tones or make such faces to my father.”

I hear this kind of quote from parents often these  days. It sparks an interesting conversation about  parenting the old way versus the new way.

The old way of parenting was authoritative. Parents  commanded respect from their children by the threat or use  of force. This style of parenting caused children to treat  their parents a certain way purely out of fear. The image  that is recalled by adults is that they showed their  parents respect. This is usually the truth – they “showed”  their parents outward respect while in reality these “kids”  resented their parents’ use of force to gain “respect”.

Today, use of force at home is frowned upon. In fact,  use of corporal punishment is not necessary. Use of force  only gives parents a false sense of being in control while  it creates fear, insecurity and resentment in children. We  all know the issues that occur in households where force is  taken to the extreme and all of us should work to decrease  those risky situations.

So how do parents win respect from their children?  First, parents need to realize that you don’t gain respect  by making someone afraid. Like anywhere else in the world,  you get respect when you deserve it over time. And you  deserve it when you respect them for who they are. Parents  should view their children as people with wills and  desires. They are like a block of granite waiting for the  sculpture within to be exposed to the world. We the  parents are the sculptors and our work demands patience.  To let the best show from that raw block, parents must  respect the process children need to go through. Children  must try behaviors out to see if they work. Overtime they  have to learn to express themselves in positive ways. So  if we can respect them and the process they have to go  through they will learn respect.

Here are some guidelines for parents to gain respect  over time from their children.

Parents need to respect their children even when they  don’t respect you. This can be difficult. When kids don’t  respect us, we tend to react strongly. But our reactions  need to be controlled. One moment of disrespect will not  make our kids disrespectful.

When your child treats you in an openly fresh manner,  state your feelings and offer the cold shoulder.

Respect people inside and outside of your family.  Your children watch your behavior in the world and mimic it.

Don’t treat your children or others in demeaning ways.

Teach your children manners and use them yourself!  Manners are the cultural norms of respect.

Look into yourself and see how you disrespect  yourself, your kids and others. Turn over a new leaf of  respect. It starts by showing yourself respect by taking  care of yourself.

Be a good role model. Use your manners. Recognize  people for who they are. Respect the fact that all people  are struggling with their own issues. Meet people where  they are not where you want them to be.

Doing all this, respect will come. You will have  spared them a lot of yelling and anger. The frustration in  trying to make them respect you will have given way to a  more mature way of getting respect. By using  respectfulness in your life your child will be more likely  to find themselves, and show respect to others. At that  point you will receive their respect because you will have  earned it.

Community, Cultural Influences, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Values and Morals

Teaching Our Kids About War’s Horrible Images

I have watched with too much interest at the images coming from Iraq. In fact, my sleep has been disturbed by the horrible images that we all have seen. At one point, I stopped reading the paper and started avoiding the news as if not witnessing it makes the horror go away. It doesn’t. But while I rested better, I turned to a new concern. What are we teaching our kids about these events?

There has been enormous interest in the war events. We receive daily front page reports and, now, horrible images about torture and abuse. The high level of interest may be misinterpreted by kids. They may think since these events hold our interest that they are worthy of their interest too. There can be further confusion in our criticism and discussion of the events. Our kids want us to “win” the war. They want our side to be the “good guys”. How could it be that our “good guys” are doing bad things? Even as adults, many of us try to rationalize these horrors by explanations such as “a few bad apples” or “lack of training”. No matter how we look at it, these images coming from Iraq make the war more real for us and for our kids. Since our children see many unreal images of war through video games and movies, we must take this opportunity to be honest and clear to our older children about the realities of war (younger children should be shielded from these horrible images). Here are some samples of questions and answers for parents to use with their older kids.

(child) Mom, is it good that we are fighting this war?

(parent) War hurts a lot of people. Many people die. War is never good.

(child) Why are we fighting this war anyway?

(parent) We thought we were getting rid of a bad man who was hiding weapons. We did get rid of the bad man but we didn’t find any weapons.

(child) Why can’t we stop this war then?

(parent) Well, this is an important lesson for all of us. Wars are easy to start but very hard to end. Many people get angry with war so it is hard to bring back the peace.

(child) Why did our soldiers do those nasty things to those people?

(parent) Behavior like that is hard to explain. Many  people all over the world are upset with that  behavior. We should never treat people like animals the way our soldiers did. That behavior was inexcusable and will be punished.

(child) Well, their bad man Saddam Hussein did worse than that. So, our guys are still the good guys, right?

(parent) A majority of our soldiers are good people trying to do the right thing. Most of our soldiers are good and shouldn’t be blamed for those bad things. But the way those soldiers treated those prisoners can not be excused.

(child) Well, I just hope we win this war.

(parent) I’m sure we are going to be safe. War is not good for anyone.

Our children should not hear rationalizations or false statements. We should all know by now that false statements do not justify aggressive action anywhere – not on the playground – not in international affairs. We need to be honest with ourselves and our kids about this war in order for the next generation to learn what is right. Expressing distaste, sadness and even anger at improper events are important for us to teach moral lessons to our children.

Our kids have heard enough falsehoods. They play with unreal games. They see make believe wars on TV and in movies. Now with these real images of war coming at us, they need to hear the truth and have it put in honest moral and ethical context. War is not a fun game to play.  And I, too, hope it ends soon.

Community, Diseases and Conditions, Family, Parenting Tips, Values and Morals

Supporting Special Love From Special Mothers

In all societies special children with unique medical problems exist. We know some of these children by special  names such as “autistic” or “retarded”. We say they have  cerebral palsy or brain damage. In England, some children  are openly called “spastics” and are supported by the  “Spastic Society”, the equivalent to our Cerebral Palsy  Society. Many times when my family encounters a family  with a special child, one of my children will ask me  (hopefully out of earshot of the child’s mother) what is  wrong with that child”. We all want to know how to label  the child. What we outsiders don’t realize is that these  children are the special loved ones of dedicated mothers no  matter what label we want placed on the child.

Through my whole career I have witnessed care given to  special children by their incredible mothers as a unique  kind of love. I came into my practice life with many  assumptions about these children and their parents that  were proven wrong through my experiences. Because many of  us have wrong impressions we say or do the wrong things to  mothers of special children. Perhaps by sharing some  lessons I have learned we can support these mothers and  fathers better.

Over the past twenty years I have had children in my  practice with various neurological and medical disorders  that required twenty-four hour vigilance from parents. I  have seen many of these children succumb to their illnesses  at early ages. It is in the losses of their special babies  that you learn the value they held for their families.  Time and again I was surprised at the extended mourning  process these families entered. Families heard phrases  from people such as, “now you can get on with your life” or  “it must be a relief not to be burdened anymore.” Each  time I heard from parents that these comments were wrong.  The parents made it clear to me that these children were  never considered a burden by the family. Often the family  bonded together in the service of their special child.  There was a special bond or love between these mothers and  their child. There was never any “relief” in their child’s  death. The deaths were huge losses for these families and  required months or years of recovery especially after years  of dedicated service to their child.

It is from these lessons of death that we can learn to  support the living. We can support families of special  children in a number of ways.

1. Respect them and recognize the special love that exists in the family bonds.

2. Get over your discomfort. We love to label  children with problems. It helps distance us from them. Accept that mentally retarded, spastic, and brain damaged children exist in every community. We need to accept them as they are.

3. There is no room for assigning fault. There is  no fault. This is very important for extended families. There is no use in declaring whose side of the family the problem “runs in”. Or that “I knew she smoked too much during her pregnancy”. These children exist and there is no need to assign fault or blame.

4. Listen to these families stories. Their stories  can be frightening and amazing. I know families that have rejoiced at every small sign of progress in their child – often a thing others take for granted such as a first step. Some of their stories are the most heartwarming you will hear.

5. Offer little things to help. No family of a  special child expects you to take over their child’s care. But doing something small such as offering to pick up things at the store for them while you are out shows kindness and understanding to that family of a special child.

6. Be a friend to them. Families of special children  get isolated in society and feel that isolation.  Stop by for short times or call to check in. I  know that it helps the family feel part of a  bigger community.

I remember in Honduras when a very ill child, Angela,  with a severely damaged brain from birth died at an  orphanage. The director of the orphanage gave a  wonderful eulogy explaining that Angela made her needs  known to those who were closest to her. And all of  Angela’s caretakers cried because they knew it was  true. The director went on “They knew Angela’s moods.  They felt her love.” It is through these words that  we must remember the value these children hold in the  hearts of those who care for them. And that value  demands respect from the rest of us.

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Squashing The Rudeness Epidemic

Dance instructors have asked me “Why are kids so rude these  days? If you reprimand a child in dance class for their  attitude you can expect a phone call from their parents later.”  Coaches have told me similar things. “Heaven forbid I sit a  star player for being a poor sport. The parents would have my  head.” Major magazines have had articles on the “rudeness  epidemic.” Is there any wonder why there is an epidemic if  parents don’t hold their kids responsible for their rudeness and  unsportsmanlike attitudes?

Certainly we don’t always have the best examples. Our pro  sports players have had numerous noteworthy displays of being  poor sports. But putting that aside for the moment, we must  think about how our kids display themselves to other adult  authority figures outside our houses. How do they represent you?

Keeping our kids from being rude takes a multifaceted  approach. We have to address rudeness from our children  wherever it occurs – at home, at school or at extracurricular  activities.

At home, parents often are at a loss on dealing with  rudeness or disrespect. We often react with anger, lectures and  worst of all, physical punishment. But these actions don’t  teach respect. Respect teaches respect. And this is one of the  toughest lessons for parents to learn. We must try to respect  them even when our kids don’t respect us. This doesn’t mean we  have to be nice! But yelling, lecturing and being physical can  be demeaning and not respectful to your kids as a person. When  we can respond to their rudeness to us with coolness we remain  in a respectful place yet give them the cool response rudeness  deserves. To top things off they learn that rudeness won’t get  a rise out of you. That decreases their motivation as well.  (And of course, decreasing a privilege or decreasing your  service to them may be very appropriate to go along with to your  cool responses.)

Children can learn a lot from parents by how you treat  people outside your house. Do you yell at people on the phone?  Are you short with people in stores? Children watch this and  mirror your actions as they face the outside world. Your kids  will take a page from your book and it won’t look pretty. We  need to model good respectful behavior for our children. So  when you hang up on that telemarketer do it with class and  respect.

When we hear about our child’s rudeness to a coach, teacher  or instructor, support that adult in sitting them on the bench  or excluding them from class. Yes we pay for those sports and  dance classes. But so do the other parents. So why should all  children be distracted and suffer due to your child’s rudeness?  They shouldn’t. Support the action of coaches and teachers.

Finally, all coaches, teachers, gymnastic instructors, and  dance teachers – all adults acting in authority over children in  their activities – need to have the authority to correct  children when their mouth speaks inappropriately. Foul  language, unsportsmanlike behavior, bad hand signals and  inappropriate outbursts should have repercussions. At the  beginning of the season or year, send home a behavior contract  for all involved in your program. Be clear on what your actions  will be. A fair warning is always well received and then your  authority should not be questioned when you have to act.

All adults need to work together. Parents need to support  other adults in authority. Communication between parents and  those surrogate parents is important. Be respectful. Respect  kids by using appropriate language yourself. Respect them as a  person even if they don’t deserve it. Be calm but firm.  Isolate the offender by your action. And if we all do this  together, perhaps we will squash the rudeness epidemic and raise  respectable children.

Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips

Single Parenting: The Toughest Job There Is

Last month my wife went away to Mexico to volunteer for one month. That meant that for that month I was a  single parent. I knew it would be a challenge. I set  goals for myself. I was proud to get through the month  achieving some of them. I put good meals on the table. My  three kids got to school on time everyday with homework  completed. And I yelled at the kids only once the whole  month. My kids were great. They certainly rose to the  occasion. Of course, we all knew it would only be for one  month.

Having that experience certainly doesn’t give me rights to  fully understand what it is like for single parents on a  daily basis. I know some of their challenges but I also  know that they are in it for a longer haul. With that  background however, I felt comfortable talking to some of  my single parent friends about what it is like to be single  parents and what advice they would share with others.

I was first made aware that single parenting is not a  single entity. Here are parents who become single parents  through divorce. Some never have another spouse involved.  Some become single parents through deaths in the family and  still others are forced to be single parents for extended  periods, as our military families are experiencing now.  So the first lesson is that everyone’s circumstance is  different and their circumstance can be difficult or not  depending on the parent left raising the children. It is  easy for those of us outside to make assumptions.

Nevertheless, there are areas of common ground for parents  raising children solo. No matter what the circumstance  is, single parents need to remain strong. Children  need a strong presence at home whatever loss a family  has suffered; children need guidance and strength to  overcome it. Children need their parent to be strong yet  compassionate. This is what helps them move on.

To be strong, a parent needs to come to a place of self  respect. All parents are people of value who have a  key role in their children’s lives. Finding that part  of you that you value and take pride in helps you to be  a better person to serve as a model for your children.  It also helps you to have a good foundation for loving  relationships. Those loving relationships with your  family, friends and children are most important for raising  children alone.

Single parents need a network of supporting relationships  to help in times of need. There will be plenty of times  that you need help or just need a well deserved break.  Developing a supportive network of grandparents or friends  will always help you in the long run.

Try to educate yourself as to the history and struggle of  single parents. Many famous people, including a former  President of the United States were raised by single  parents. Finding mentors who know and understand your  struggles is of great benefit to you.

Remember that your children were made by two people and are  made up of 50% you and 50% of your former mate. War of  words between you and the other parent doesn’t help your  children. Even when your children bring back antagonistic  themes, try to stay above the fray. Remind your kids that  you can only be in charge of one house, not two. What is  said and done in another house is not up to you and needs  not be emphasized. And remember if your kids return from  anyone else’s care back to your care, you can expect some  “payback time” behavior. That is especially true if they  are returning from your ex’s house.

Psychologist Anthony Wolf, PHD wrote a book called “Why Did  You Have to Get a Divorce and When Can I Get a Hamster”.  In the book he talks a lot about single parenting. He  says that “your influence on the ultimate welfare of your  children is all about what happens when they are with you.  If you are good and loving during that time, if you are  someone whom they can consistently count on, then . . .  you have done the single most important thing that any  parent can do for his or her children.” That is a perfect  summary of the hardest job there is on this earth – single  parenting. I had only a taste of it for one month. If  I had to do it longer, I think I could find the strength.  But I am just lucky that my times of single parenting  are short. To all those who have longer times of single  parenting, I wish you good health, personal strength,  adequate support and good loving relationships always.

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips

Showing Affection

Positive affection helps support children!

Upon returning from a recent trip to a Honduran  Orphanage, I was struck by a contrast in our culture and  the one I see at the orphanage. What I experience at the  orphanage is an abundance of affection. These children who  have lost their precious parents are able to touch each  other and others warmly. They freely demonstrate their  care for one another in acceptable physical ways. They  hold hands, wrap arms around each other, and embrace in  asexual, pleasant and comfortable ways. I enjoyed this  affection immensely.

I remember one particularly interesting incident at  the orphanage. I had finished seeing patients at the  clinic. As I wrote up my charts some children snuck up  behind me just so they could pat my bald head. The  Honduran children enjoyed touching and patting my head  since they don’t see many bald men in their country. It  wasn’t offensive on their part. It was cute and  affectionate. They loved to see me laugh and respond to  their touch of my shiny top.

When I came back to the Boston area, I missed the  affection those kids gave me. I don’t need kids patting my  scalp. But I wonder whether we are being taught to fear  affection. In our culture there is a flood of negative  news and information about inappropriate forms of physical  touch. We are warned about sexual harassment in the  workplace. We worry about sexual predators in our  neighborhoods. Court cases about the church abuse scandal  lead our headlines. Does this culture lead us to decrease  displays of affection? Are we becoming so afraid that  demonstrating affection is negative?

Let’s be clear that there are appropriate ways to show  affection and inappropriate ways that take advantage of  people. They should never be confused for one another.  But nor should we decrease one because of fear of the  other. Our children need signs of affection.

Affection is helpful to children. The children in the  orphanage in Honduras feed off of it. They feel affirmed  and important. Affection is a form of praise. It makes  children feel good. It makes them feel loved. It builds  their egos. You can see it and feel it with the children  at the orphanage. They do thrive because of it.

Our children likewise need to feel appreciated through  affection. They need to feel their parents’ touch. Hugs,  kisses, and pats on the back make children feel their  value. With appropriate affection children sense warmth  and protection. We cannot afford to let negative news  create too much fear that we shy away from giving our  children this valuable commodity. We shouldn’t have to be  reminded to hug our children daily. Perhaps that love  shown at home will spread to the community at large as well.

Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Values and Morals

Why Limit “Giving” to a Season?

We call the holiday season the “Season of Giving”.  Certainly Americans give more to charities during this  season than any other time of the year. Yet, I feel  troubled about this “season” due to the perceptions we  leave with our children. We start the fall with Halloween  where children receive tons of candy simply by walking up  to a neighbor’s house in a funny costume. On the next day  in school kids ask each other, “How much candy did you  get?” We follow that holiday with Thanksgiving where we  give “thanks” by eating until we are full and sleepy.  Certainly this is a wonderful family holiday. But let’s  face it, the giving of thanks and appreciation is often  hidden behind the questions about how good the meal was.  And finally, we finish the holiday season with Christmas.  We all have wonderful memories of Christmas. Yet, parents  lament afterwards about the amount of gifts their children  received. When do we teach our children about giving rather  than receiving and why should it be limited to a season?

It is my opinion that we need to stop squeezing in  this lesson. This lesson of giving of oneself, some money  or effort to a good cause should be a year round lesson in  all families. In this “Season of Giving”, perhaps it is time  to start participating in yearlong projects of giving. The  biggest stumbling block is where to start. Here are a few  suggestions.

The first thing parents need to do is get information  about an area where you may want your family to make an  effort. Your children will not be able to decide on efforts  for the family although they may have certain interests. If  they are interested in animals perhaps volunteering at an  animal shelter would be worth your time. However, for most  families, the choice of your giving effort is the parent’s  responsibility. This is an opportunity to teach your  children where you have values and where you want to expend  your efforts.

Kids won’t want to instantaneously start in a project  of giving. Your family will need to process this into your  normal family life. Once you’ve chosen an area of concern  (i.e. hunger) find out about that issue in your area.  Perhaps, there is a food pantry in your area! Then provide  your children information about that issue and talk about  how you can help.

Parents should start working on the concern by  themselves. Let the children know why you are interested  in the work. Be clear about what you are doing – no matter  how small. Continue your commitment all year and be clear  to your kids that you have a long term commitment to help.

After some time ask your kids to join you with your  commitment – even in small ways. It’s hard to force it on  them. At some point with enough exposure to your effort,  they may want to join in. By all means let them. If  interest doesn’t develop with exposure to your area of  concern, be clear about your reasons and ask them to play a  role.

In the book, Parenting for Peace and Justice by Kathleen  and James McGinnis, the authors talk about the “two feet”  of Christian Service. On the one foot there are acts for  social change. These are works of justice. Included in  this are actions such as helping to organize a good co-op,  educating the public on social needs, and even inspiring  people to get out and vote. The other foot of service  is direct service. These are works of mercy that include  direct volunteer work such as working in food and clothing  centers, visiting with the elderly, tutoring children  or contributing to known worthy causes. These are some  categories where families can contribute their time and  efforts. And there are many more.

How can families get off the dime? Families need to  start somewhere. Besides the local food pantry, schools  need people to help tutor and read to children. You can  contact your town’s Senior Services to help with the  elderly. Many older people need help getting groceries or  need a ride to their doctor. If you want a more worldly  area to contribute, sponsor a child at the orphanage in  a foreign country. I work with an orphanage in Honduras.  Check their website at www.nphhonduras.org. Your family  can sponsor a child and receive letters and photos  from that child regularly. Look into other world wide  organizations such as OXFAM, Doctors Without Borders, or  Habitat for Humanity. No matter where your efforts take  you, make sure your kids know what you’re doing, where you  are helping and why.

Even in small ways, families working together can help  develop a society of givers. You will be surprised how your  yearlong efforts will improve your holidays, your spirit  and your family life. Happy Holidays!

Community, Cultural Influences, Parenting Tips

Questions & Answers

What are the most significant challenges facing our medical  system?

I see a lot of effort going towards getting the  uninsured insured. That is not our greatest challenge. We  will continue to have more uninsured until we control  costs. Pharmaceutical companies, high tech medicine and  malpractice threats are draining the medical dollars. As  those dollars drain, primary care doctors are being nickel  and dimed and are forced to see higher volumes of patients.

Example:

One example of hidden costs is the pervasive attitude  amongst physicians that they need to cover their backs  against lawsuits. The threat of lawsuits is so high that  all medical graduates today will be sued sometime in their  career. So doctors order more tests, x-rays, CAT scans,  and MRI’s on a daily basis just to protect themselves  against lawsuits. This increases our health care costs  more than any other factor – yet it is barely known or  talked about.

Share with us one of your favorite stories from your book.

This is a hard question since all the stories are my  favorites. Apteral that’s why they’re in the book! The  one I enjoy telling the most is about the baby with  meningitis in the chapter “Miracles”. The baby had the  worst case of meningitis I ever saw. We thought the baby  was not going to make it. After the recovery the mother  gave me a sign that says “Expect a Miracle”. I still have  it on my desk at work 25 years later.

Please provide a brief description about the day in the  life of a pediatrician.

One of the chapters goes through a day in my life at  work. I wanted readers to get a sense of what it was like  for me as a person to go from one intense personal  interaction to another all day long. I don’t think people  realize how many family issues we face in a day. Even as I  wrote it and then read it I was impressed with how  personally dedicated we have to be in medicine.

How has the profession changed over the years?

We have made tremendous advances in my 25 years in  practice life. Today in the U.S. we rarely see a child  with meningitis due to the shots we give. However, our  practice life has deteriorated. I find few doctors happy  in practice. Patients aren’t satisfied with the complex  medical system we have. Some people are making large sums  of money from a system nobody is happy with. It is harder  to keep a human touch in our medical system as it stands  today.

In your opinion, what do patients and families need most  from their pediatricians?

Parents need someone who they can connect with easily  and who is available to them when they need.

When looking for a pediatrician for their children, what  should parents consider?

Parents need to look for a real connection with their  pediatrician. He or she has to be someone they can trust.  They need someone who will listen and care even about the  silliest questions. They need to feel that their  pediatrician is there for them and not rushed. That is a  tall order for a pediatrician today.

Who should read this book?

I think my book should be read by parents first and  foremost. I think they will gain a better understanding of  what a pediatrician does. But I believe my book has a wide  reach. Pre med college students, medical students, young  doctors and nurses – really anyone in medicine should read  my book. Anyone who goes to the doctor in our system  should read it too. It is easy to read. I know it will  make people laugh, and make some cry but it will make them  think about our health care system and how it needs to  change.

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Teen

Positive Influences Help Us Parent Our Teens

When I do workshops for parents of teenagers I see many shaking heads when I say, “it is a  tough time to be a teenager!” Everyone in the audience recognizes this statement as fact. Few adults  can picture growing up as a teen now. School demands are higher. It is harder to get into college.  College costs add a burden. A high school diploma doesn’t help your career very much. And now,  with the economic crisis, the future looks tougher still. There is only one thing tougher than being a  teenager, and that is being a parent of one!

Teens are exposed to so much so early that they seem to be growing up too fast. The media’s  influence on our teens has never been greater. Movies and TV shows push our teens to be older than  they are. We know the risks that they may encounter but it seems that they do not. We worry for them.  And the freedoms that they demand from us so early make it difficult for us to stay in control. How are  we to parent our teens today? Where else can we turn?

We need to give our kids freedom but it should be a chaperoned freedom. We, the parents do much  of the chaperoning. There is no way around conceding control to other chaperones in the care of  our teens. Teachers, coaches, dance instructors, and other parent surrogates take on our roles as  leaders for our children. This is obvious but when put in this context it sounds scary. As parents, we  don’t want to give up this role to others. Yet, it is not only part of the natural process of separation but  important for our kids to be influenced by outside forces. How could this be?

Our teens go through a period of questioning everything you, their parents, stand for. They  learned your values and your rules for more than twelve years. Teen years is a time for questioning  and, yes, experimentation. Teens try things on for themselves and don’t necessarily do this with  parental consent! Here is where outside influences come in.

Many years ago there was a study that showed that teens that succeeded were often inspired  by an “influential adult”. This was an adult outside the teen’s family that helped to inspire that teen to  achieve something because of the relationship he or she had with that teen. That adult often saw a  skill or a talent in that teen that just needed a little push. That influential adult could be a history  teacher, a baseball coach, or a ballet instructor. This influence helps build a foundation of ego and  confidence in that teenager. It is incredibly powerful for a teen to be recognized by someone other  than a biased parent. No matter what skill was inspired or what adult inspired it, the fact that the teen  was influenced well by someone outside the family is the point. It takes some swallowing of pride for  parents to accept this but it is necessary to realize that it very well may take a village to raise your  teen. Sometimes effective parenting is finding the right supports for your children.

In a recent meeting at Sandra Marie’s School of Ballet, I stated that the school was an  important influence on our young girls and the young men who are lucky enough to belong to this  supportive group of teachers. If you think about the negative influences our kids face, it is scary.  Think about our kids who dance and what their young lives would have been like if they did not have  an avenue to pursue their joy of dance in such a supportive environment. I have seen many young  girls over our eleven years at the studio grow to be mature and secure young women. Sandra Marie’s  leadership had an influence in developing these young people. This is a fact that can’t be denied.  Now, the studio wants to support parents even further. They are sponsoring a parenting workshop for  parents of teenagers.

The workshop is “You Can’t Fix Them So How Can You Live With Them- Parenting teens  today”. This is a workshop I have been giving across the North Shore for many years. I hope you can  join us on ____________________ at ___________________. The workshop will also serve as a  fundraiser for Northeast Youth Ballet. NYB is a nonprofit organization dedicated to bringing quality  ballet to our youth.

Baby, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Infant, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Toddler

Parents Role In Reading

There has been a growth of programs to increase reading. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a program  to increase reading at home. Libraries have always  emphasized reading. Radio programs are plugging reading  programs. A recent study showed that when adults have  books at home the more literate the household becomes. It  has been suggested that Pediatricians ask mothers during  office visits “How many books do you have at home?” as part  of an effort to increase reading. Certainly, reading is  important. But why all the effort to increase reading?

Some troubling statistics answer the question. Today  many college graduates in America cannot read and write  well. Many high school graduates fail reading and writing.  Americans, in general, are reading less. Book sales in the  U.S. have decreased. Books are losing to computers and  T.V. and as a result 30 percent of our high schoolers are  dropping out nationwide. It is a shame that it has to be  emphasized anew. Many years ago it was assumed that  Americans had high literacy and high education levels. But  today we are dropping. This is a cause for every parent to  take up. What can parents do?

Reading must be a factor in your parenting today.  Children need to see books. They need to hear words. They  need to see parents reading. It doesn’t have to be a chore.  Parents do not need to tediously teach their kids to read.  That is a role for teachers and schools. And not all  children learn to read at the same rate. Don’t panic if  you have a late reader. But kids need to see the  importance of books and reading everyday in their home.

Books on tape are a great alternative. It allows  children to use more imagination than videos. They can  play or draw while listening. During a long drive, books  on tape make the ride shorter. If the book isn’t over they  may not want the ride to end.

Keep reading and listening. Take trips to the  library. Use libraries as a resource for books for your  child. Always read a little above your child’s level so  they yearn to read bigger more interesting books. If you are worried about your child’s reading, talk to  your school. There is always extra help available. But  don’t give up at home – keep reading.

Lessons from books are in no short supply. From Greek  myths, to comedies, to English literature, our kids learn  more than words. Life’s lessons are taught through the  experience of centuries. Exposure to books is valuable to  kids and to families – for the lessons and the togetherness  they provide. But in the long run, reading provides an  added value to your child’s education that cannot be  provided in any other way then in their homes.