We call the holiday season the “Season of Giving”. Certainly Americans give more to charities during this season than any other time of the year. Yet, I feel troubled about this “season” due to the perceptions we leave with our children. We start the fall with Halloween where children receive tons of candy simply by walking up to a neighbor’s house in a funny costume. On the next day in school kids ask each other, “How much candy did you get?” We follow that holiday with Thanksgiving where we give “thanks” by eating until we are full and sleepy. Certainly this is a wonderful family holiday. But let’s face it, the giving of thanks and appreciation is often hidden behind the questions about how good the meal was. And finally, we finish the holiday season with Christmas. We all have wonderful memories of Christmas. Yet, parents lament afterwards about the amount of gifts their children received. When do we teach our children about giving rather than receiving and why should it be limited to a season?
It is my opinion that we need to stop squeezing in this lesson. This lesson of giving of oneself, some money or effort to a good cause should be a year round lesson in all families. In this “Season of Giving”, perhaps it is time to start participating in yearlong projects of giving. The biggest stumbling block is where to start. Here are a few suggestions.
The first thing parents need to do is get information about an area where you may want your family to make an effort. Your children will not be able to decide on efforts for the family although they may have certain interests. If they are interested in animals perhaps volunteering at an animal shelter would be worth your time. However, for most families, the choice of your giving effort is the parent’s responsibility. This is an opportunity to teach your children where you have values and where you want to expend your efforts.
Kids won’t want to instantaneously start in a project of giving. Your family will need to process this into your normal family life. Once you’ve chosen an area of concern (i.e. hunger) find out about that issue in your area. Perhaps, there is a food pantry in your area! Then provide your children information about that issue and talk about how you can help.
Parents should start working on the concern by themselves. Let the children know why you are interested in the work. Be clear about what you are doing – no matter how small. Continue your commitment all year and be clear to your kids that you have a long term commitment to help.
After some time ask your kids to join you with your commitment – even in small ways. It’s hard to force it on them. At some point with enough exposure to your effort, they may want to join in. By all means let them. If interest doesn’t develop with exposure to your area of concern, be clear about your reasons and ask them to play a role.
In the book, Parenting for Peace and Justice by Kathleen and James McGinnis, the authors talk about the “two feet” of Christian Service. On the one foot there are acts for social change. These are works of justice. Included in this are actions such as helping to organize a good co-op, educating the public on social needs, and even inspiring people to get out and vote. The other foot of service is direct service. These are works of mercy that include direct volunteer work such as working in food and clothing centers, visiting with the elderly, tutoring children or contributing to known worthy causes. These are some categories where families can contribute their time and efforts. And there are many more.
How can families get off the dime? Families need to start somewhere. Besides the local food pantry, schools need people to help tutor and read to children. You can contact your town’s Senior Services to help with the elderly. Many older people need help getting groceries or need a ride to their doctor. If you want a more worldly area to contribute, sponsor a child at the orphanage in a foreign country. I work with an orphanage in Honduras. Check their website at www.nphhonduras.org. Your family can sponsor a child and receive letters and photos from that child regularly. Look into other world wide organizations such as OXFAM, Doctors Without Borders, or Habitat for Humanity. No matter where your efforts take you, make sure your kids know what you’re doing, where you are helping and why.
Even in small ways, families working together can help develop a society of givers. You will be surprised how your yearlong efforts will improve your holidays, your spirit and your family life. Happy Holidays!