I have watched with too much interest at the images coming from Iraq. In fact, my sleep has been disturbed by the horrible images that we all have seen. At one point, I stopped reading the paper and started avoiding the news as if not witnessing it makes the horror go away. It doesn’t. But while I rested better, I turned to a new concern. What are we teaching our kids about these events?

There has been enormous interest in the war events. We receive daily front page reports and, now, horrible images about torture and abuse. The high level of interest may be misinterpreted by kids. They may think since these events hold our interest that they are worthy of their interest too. There can be further confusion in our criticism and discussion of the events. Our kids want us to “win” the war. They want our side to be the “good guys”. How could it be that our “good guys” are doing bad things? Even as adults, many of us try to rationalize these horrors by explanations such as “a few bad apples” or “lack of training”. No matter how we look at it, these images coming from Iraq make the war more real for us and for our kids. Since our children see many unreal images of war through video games and movies, we must take this opportunity to be honest and clear to our older children about the realities of war (younger children should be shielded from these horrible images). Here are some samples of questions and answers for parents to use with their older kids.

(child) Mom, is it good that we are fighting this war?

(parent) War hurts a lot of people. Many people die. War is never good.

(child) Why are we fighting this war anyway?

(parent) We thought we were getting rid of a bad man who was hiding weapons. We did get rid of the bad man but we didn’t find any weapons.

(child) Why can’t we stop this war then?

(parent) Well, this is an important lesson for all of us. Wars are easy to start but very hard to end. Many people get angry with war so it is hard to bring back the peace.

(child) Why did our soldiers do those nasty things to those people?

(parent) Behavior like that is hard to explain. Many  people all over the world are upset with that  behavior. We should never treat people like animals the way our soldiers did. That behavior was inexcusable and will be punished.

(child) Well, their bad man Saddam Hussein did worse than that. So, our guys are still the good guys, right?

(parent) A majority of our soldiers are good people trying to do the right thing. Most of our soldiers are good and shouldn’t be blamed for those bad things. But the way those soldiers treated those prisoners can not be excused.

(child) Well, I just hope we win this war.

(parent) I’m sure we are going to be safe. War is not good for anyone.

Our children should not hear rationalizations or false statements. We should all know by now that false statements do not justify aggressive action anywhere – not on the playground – not in international affairs. We need to be honest with ourselves and our kids about this war in order for the next generation to learn what is right. Expressing distaste, sadness and even anger at improper events are important for us to teach moral lessons to our children.

Our kids have heard enough falsehoods. They play with unreal games. They see make believe wars on TV and in movies. Now with these real images of war coming at us, they need to hear the truth and have it put in honest moral and ethical context. War is not a fun game to play.  And I, too, hope it ends soon.