Positive affection helps support children!

Upon returning from a recent trip to a Honduran  Orphanage, I was struck by a contrast in our culture and  the one I see at the orphanage. What I experience at the  orphanage is an abundance of affection. These children who  have lost their precious parents are able to touch each  other and others warmly. They freely demonstrate their  care for one another in acceptable physical ways. They  hold hands, wrap arms around each other, and embrace in  asexual, pleasant and comfortable ways. I enjoyed this  affection immensely.

I remember one particularly interesting incident at  the orphanage. I had finished seeing patients at the  clinic. As I wrote up my charts some children snuck up  behind me just so they could pat my bald head. The  Honduran children enjoyed touching and patting my head  since they don’t see many bald men in their country. It  wasn’t offensive on their part. It was cute and  affectionate. They loved to see me laugh and respond to  their touch of my shiny top.

When I came back to the Boston area, I missed the  affection those kids gave me. I don’t need kids patting my  scalp. But I wonder whether we are being taught to fear  affection. In our culture there is a flood of negative  news and information about inappropriate forms of physical  touch. We are warned about sexual harassment in the  workplace. We worry about sexual predators in our  neighborhoods. Court cases about the church abuse scandal  lead our headlines. Does this culture lead us to decrease  displays of affection? Are we becoming so afraid that  demonstrating affection is negative?

Let’s be clear that there are appropriate ways to show  affection and inappropriate ways that take advantage of  people. They should never be confused for one another.  But nor should we decrease one because of fear of the  other. Our children need signs of affection.

Affection is helpful to children. The children in the  orphanage in Honduras feed off of it. They feel affirmed  and important. Affection is a form of praise. It makes  children feel good. It makes them feel loved. It builds  their egos. You can see it and feel it with the children  at the orphanage. They do thrive because of it.

Our children likewise need to feel appreciated through  affection. They need to feel their parents’ touch. Hugs,  kisses, and pats on the back make children feel their  value. With appropriate affection children sense warmth  and protection. We cannot afford to let negative news  create too much fear that we shy away from giving our  children this valuable commodity. We shouldn’t have to be  reminded to hug our children daily. Perhaps that love  shown at home will spread to the community at large as well.