Last month my wife went away to Mexico to volunteer for one month. That meant that for that month I was a  single parent. I knew it would be a challenge. I set  goals for myself. I was proud to get through the month  achieving some of them. I put good meals on the table. My  three kids got to school on time everyday with homework  completed. And I yelled at the kids only once the whole  month. My kids were great. They certainly rose to the  occasion. Of course, we all knew it would only be for one  month.

Having that experience certainly doesn’t give me rights to  fully understand what it is like for single parents on a  daily basis. I know some of their challenges but I also  know that they are in it for a longer haul. With that  background however, I felt comfortable talking to some of  my single parent friends about what it is like to be single  parents and what advice they would share with others.

I was first made aware that single parenting is not a  single entity. Here are parents who become single parents  through divorce. Some never have another spouse involved.  Some become single parents through deaths in the family and  still others are forced to be single parents for extended  periods, as our military families are experiencing now.  So the first lesson is that everyone’s circumstance is  different and their circumstance can be difficult or not  depending on the parent left raising the children. It is  easy for those of us outside to make assumptions.

Nevertheless, there are areas of common ground for parents  raising children solo. No matter what the circumstance  is, single parents need to remain strong. Children  need a strong presence at home whatever loss a family  has suffered; children need guidance and strength to  overcome it. Children need their parent to be strong yet  compassionate. This is what helps them move on.

To be strong, a parent needs to come to a place of self  respect. All parents are people of value who have a  key role in their children’s lives. Finding that part  of you that you value and take pride in helps you to be  a better person to serve as a model for your children.  It also helps you to have a good foundation for loving  relationships. Those loving relationships with your  family, friends and children are most important for raising  children alone.

Single parents need a network of supporting relationships  to help in times of need. There will be plenty of times  that you need help or just need a well deserved break.  Developing a supportive network of grandparents or friends  will always help you in the long run.

Try to educate yourself as to the history and struggle of  single parents. Many famous people, including a former  President of the United States were raised by single  parents. Finding mentors who know and understand your  struggles is of great benefit to you.

Remember that your children were made by two people and are  made up of 50% you and 50% of your former mate. War of  words between you and the other parent doesn’t help your  children. Even when your children bring back antagonistic  themes, try to stay above the fray. Remind your kids that  you can only be in charge of one house, not two. What is  said and done in another house is not up to you and needs  not be emphasized. And remember if your kids return from  anyone else’s care back to your care, you can expect some  “payback time” behavior. That is especially true if they  are returning from your ex’s house.

Psychologist Anthony Wolf, PHD wrote a book called “Why Did  You Have to Get a Divorce and When Can I Get a Hamster”.  In the book he talks a lot about single parenting. He  says that “your influence on the ultimate welfare of your  children is all about what happens when they are with you.  If you are good and loving during that time, if you are  someone whom they can consistently count on, then . . .  you have done the single most important thing that any  parent can do for his or her children.” That is a perfect  summary of the hardest job there is on this earth – single  parenting. I had only a taste of it for one month. If  I had to do it longer, I think I could find the strength.  But I am just lucky that my times of single parenting  are short. To all those who have longer times of single  parenting, I wish you good health, personal strength,  adequate support and good loving relationships always.