Category Archives: Parenting Tips

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Diseases and Conditions, Parenting Tips, Psychology

Mental Health Crisis: What Can We Do

On a daily basis I am reminded that we are in the  midst of a mental health crisis with our children.  Pediatricians across the country and in Massachusetts are  seeing record numbers of mental health issues in children  and teenagers. Attention Deficit Disorder is on the rise.  Bipolar Disorder has increased in all age groups.  Depression and anxiety are also seen in dramatically higher  numbers. And that is only part of the crisis. Child  psychiatrists are in short supply. Psychologist’s  practices are full. And most recently, the medicines that  were in common use were restricted in use in children.  This situation was recognized in 2002 by the Bush  Administration’s New Freedom Commission on Mental Health.  The Commission concluded that the Mental Health system was  under funded and in “shambles”. Two years later the  situation is worse. What can we do about it?

It is time for all of us to recognize that there is a  crisis in mental health, particularly for children. Once  we recognize the problem perhaps we can try to make  government officials and health care insurers more  accountable to work towards a solution. We need more drug  treatment centers for teens and children. (Presently,  there are none for kids under 18!!) We need more child  psychiatrists and psychologists. (Currently it doesn’t pay  for people to do all the therapy needed.) Meanwhile we all  need to ask, “Why are we having so many mental health  issues in our children?” The answer may be difficult.  Perhaps as we ponder this question we can come up with  answers that may help children in the meantime. Here are  my suggestions.

1. From a young age we need our children to learn coping  skills. Kids need to learn how to handle their emotions.  recent Newsweek article suggested that our children  receive so much so easily in early years that they  have a hard time coping when things come harder when  they have to work for it themselves. Maybe this is true –  maybe not. Nonetheless, we need to help our children to  work through their own emotions early on so they know how  to do it themselves when they are older. Many times we, as  parents, try to move kids past their emotions. For example  when a pet dies we often replace that pet with a new one.  What we really need to do is let our children work through  their emotions on their loss of a pet. It is important for  kids to grow up learning that someone won’t always be there  to rescue them from their emotion.

2. We need to increase interaction with our children and  keep interacting with them as they grow. Turn off the TV  and the computer. Play games, go outside, and do things  together – young & old.

3. Teach our kids tolerance and inclusiveness. Not  everyone should fit into the well established molds  our society is creating. We need more than jocks and  cheerleaders. We need musicians, artists, dancers and  clowns. There is a diverse world of people with diverse  world of skills and living in a diverse world of color  and culture. We need to expect it and respect it so our  children do too. Then few children are isolated by “not  fitting in.”

4. Recognize our children’s real skills. Don’t push the  sports if your child really doesn’t like it or isn’t good  at it. Expose your child to a spectrum of activities.  Find their true interests and skills over time. Then help  them build their ego around it. Too many kids get hurt by  trying to fit into the molds society or parents are setting  for them. Let your child make his/her own mold.

5. Recognize the signs when your child isn’t coping. Is  your child isolated? Alone? Withdrawing? Is he or she  causing trouble in different sectors of his/her society?  Is there trouble at school? Is there trouble with friends?  Is your child giving up? Not caring for his/herself?  Recognize the signs and seek help early.

6. If you live in a home that suffers from some form of  abuse – seek help. There are organizations such as HAWK  that helps families in such situations. Even if you are  the abuser, seek help. I have had the experience where  an abusing father recognized his problem, sought help and  saved his family.

7. The mental health crisis is reaching too many corners  of our society. It is time for all of us to recognize  this so we can diminish any shame that prevents people  from getting help. We need to reach out and help when we  can. And we need to hold our children in safe, secure, and  positive places so their mental health has the best chance  of staying well.

Behavior, Family, Nutrition, Parenting Tips, Psychology

Meals Made Easier

Has your child turned family mealtime into a family  nightmare? Are dinners a perpetual struggle? Do you make  five meals before your child settles on the same old  reliable? Do you have back up plans in case dinner isn’t a  hit? You can make meals easier in your house by adopting a  few basic rules. But first parents need to understand some  background about children and their appetites.

Children fool us in the first year of life that they  will always be good eaters. During that first year kids  grow rapidly and have an appetite that matches their rapid  growth. We, as parents, get lulled into the idea that  their good appetite in the first year is our success. This  sets us up for frustration as nature slows down our  children’s growth in the second year, and their appetites  drop accordingly. They simply do not need to eat as much  after their first year in order to continue normal growth.

Unfortunately, many parents live with the cultural  myth that says being a good parent means your child eats.  Operating under this myth we help our kids play games  around food and eating. They can hold out for their 4 or 5  favorite foods because they know you are worried about how  much they eat and know that you will eventually come around  to a food they like. In other words, they select their  diet by refusing the diet you offer.

Parents need to operate under a new paradigm. Being a  good parent means that you offer only a balanced diet no  matter whether they eat or not. Children should not choose  their diets. Children will choose to eat good foods over  starving themselves. In fact children do not starve  themselves even as we worry that they will. They just look  like they will while they hold out for what they want.

If parents learn to present meals to their children  under a new set of rules, family meal stress will decrease  dramatically.

Don’t allow children to push your buttons over meals.  Believe in the fact that they do not starve themselves.

You are in charge of choosing their diet.

They are in charge of eating from the presented food  or not. Eventually they will choose to eat from the good  diet you are presenting. Check out the new food pyramid,  and keep the good diet coming.

Get junky foods out of the house and keep them out.

Don’t make your child eat.

Don’t make them sit in front of their meal incessantly.

Don’t give them cereal before bedtime.

Don’t punish over food.

Don’t let food and feeding be so important to you.  Presenting a good diet is the only important responsibility  in managing your child’s diet.

You can close your kitchen anytime you want. A good  time for this is when dinner has been cleared.

When parents start to recognize what they have control  over, (the diet selection) and what they don’t have control  over (how much is eaten) then dinner time can become the  peaceful time it should be.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Maturing In Your Parenting Role

For twenty-three years I have been witnessing parents develop into their role. All parents start out adoring  their little precious bundle of joy. In the beginning the  parent’s role is to respond to the baby’s every call. When  their baby cries, mom and dad spring into action. Mom and  dad follow their basic instinct to respond and comfort  their child. Baby experts across the country recommend  spoiling, cuddling and responding to baby’s cries for the  first three months of life. Most new parents cannot help  themselves but do just that.

A responsive approach works for a while with children.

Over time, parents are surprised when a change comes  to the relationship. Our children develop wills and their  demands are no longer easily met. Things you could  distract your child from, just weeks ago, now are things  your child persists in wanting and they cry over it. This  marks a change in parenting. For the first months of life,  we learned to be totally responsive to our child. But,  after time, we see the will of our child and need to face  that will. This leads to conflict between us and our  children and conflict within us. Do we respond? How do we  respond? Do we give into our child’s cry? If we respond,  are we catering too much to their wants? If we ignore  their demands, are we being too strict?

Parents have to grow and mature in their role as  a parent. Part of that maturing is recognizing our child’s  will and learning how to direct them. Parents have to  learn a balance between leniency and strictness.

Young parents are often surprised that their child has  a will. Many parents tell me that their child “knows what  she wants” or “has a mind of her own”. This isn’t a  novelty. All children do. The challenge for us, as  parents, is to know when to give into their wills and when  not to.

By eighteen months of age children demonstrate  persistence in their desires. You can no longer distract  them away from a desired object. As a result, children  become crafty in trying to get what they want. Through  trial and error they “try-on” different behaviors to get  their way. It is facing these behaviors that become the  battleground for parents. Their behaviors change over time.  Toddlers have temper fits of different varieties. Grade  school children whine and teenagers argue. And there are  many other behaviors in between. We must change from  responding to their whims to ignoring their behaviors.  When parents can listen to their child cry, whine, stomp,  kick, groan and argue over something they want and, yet,  not respond to them, they have grown as a parent.

When you see that your child has developed a will, and  you know their motivation for their cries, you must learn  when it is right to ignore and when it is right to respond.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Managing Aggression in Children

As hostilities dominate the newsreels, many parents  face an increase in childhood aggression. Whether managing  shoving matches between children, toddlers grabbing each  others toys, or open fights in playgrounds, all adults have  to face anger and aggression in children. What are we to  do to decrease hostile behavior in kids? What defines an  overly aggressive child? When should parents seek help?

We shouldn’t be surprised or overly worried to see  some aggression in kids. It is quite natural. Some  aggression is necessary for many kids to succeed in sports,  school, and social settings. We need to accept some  aggression so long as we set a framework of what level is  appropriate.

How aggression is acted out is an important issue as  well. Aggressive play with legos or army guys is different  from a realistic video game. Working out their aggression  in play with inanimate objects like legos is very valuable  to children. Children work out many scenes in their minds  through this play. Violent videos and computer games blur  the boundaries of appropriate aggression. Children who  play violent games are less likely to recognize real  violence as inappropriate. They are less likely to object  to violence and more likely to be aggressive then children  who don’t play violent computer games. This is becoming a  great problem particularly for boys. Curbing the use of  video games especially at a young age is important for  parents to enforce. Decreasing exposure to violent shows  and video games decreases aggression in children.

So what are some parameters for dealing with  aggressive acts in children? We start with defining the  who, where, and how of aggressive acts. Children can  display aggression against themselves, other people or to  pets. Aggression towards others should be corrected. We  should not allow pushing, hitting and grabbing of others to  get their way. Likewise, aggression towards pets or  animals is inappropriate, dangerous, and inhumane. We  cannot allow that either. In those cases kids should be  quickly and sternly corrected and then ignored. (Giving  kids too much attention for their inappropriate behavior  can be too rewarding to kids.)

When kids exhibit self-aggression, we may not want to  be too quick to correct it. Some kids hit themselves or  pull their own hair when they “goof up”. For the most  part, parents should not make too much of this. However,  if self-aggression reaches the point of really hurting  themselves (i.e. leaving bruises, scratches or cuts on  themselves) parents should seek some counsel from a  physician or counselor.

There are appropriate places that can help aggressive  children “work out” their anger. Wrestling, Karate, other  martial arts, football and other sports are areas where  children can use socially acceptable means to work out  aggression. Appropriate coaching is necessary for all  these sports. Parents need to listen and respond to  coaches who have to sit a child out or otherwise correct a  child who, even in these environments, are being “too  aggressive”. We need to support teachers and coaches who  discipline players for inappropriate behaviors.

Overall, parents who think their children are on the  aggressive side need to monitor this issue carefully.  Children need rules to contain aggression such as no  hitting, no biting, no throwing objects at people, and  never intentionally hurt an animal. When these rules are  broken, stern correction and isolation of the offender  should occur. In and out of home, appropriate ways to work  out tension and aggression should be taught. And when a  child is overly aggressive in too many situations seek  help. Parents need to listen to surrogate parents  (teachers or coaches) and support their decisions to  discipline an aggressive child. We are seeing a rise in  aggressive behaviors. Our kids need to learn appropriate  forms of aggressive behavior and it is up to all adults to  teach it.

Behavior, Community, Family, Homepage, Nutrition, Parenting Tips, Psychology

Managing Our Children’s Diets

By now most people in the U.S. recognize that there is an epidemic of obesity in our children. Statistically, the  percentage of overweight children has more than doubled  since the 1960’s. Along with that, we have seen an  increase in the number of kids with high blood pressure and  Type 2 diabetes. But what action have parents taken to  stem the tide of childhood obesity? What can they do?

Before I answer those questions I want to explain a  phenomenon that I have noticed in the majority of  overweight children that I see. The phenomenon I see has  to do with children’s growth curves. In kids who get  overweight, they are not overweight in the first few years  of life. Their growth curve changes direction and they  become overweight only when they take over control of their  own diet. When I ask about their diet I usually get the  same answers – they eat pizza, spaghetti, burgers, fries,  and few fruits and vegetables. So this is the answer to the question about what parents can do. Parents need to stay in  control of children’s diets even into late grade school.  Here’s how.

  1. Don’t pay attention to kids’ likes and dislikes. Children can choose to eat or not to eat. If  they don’t eat, they can wait until the next meal,  even if it is breakfast. Children won’t starve themselves. We don’t need to push them to eat  everything.
  2. Be a good example. This is an essential rule. Parents should choose the healthy meals.  If your kids don’t like it and won’t eat – that’s  ok. They need to learn to choose from the healthy  choices that you present. They need to earn the  right to have a choice in meals by eating good  foods first. Bring good foods into your home. You have the  power of the purse. Don’t buy the junk. If it’s  in your home they will eat it. Stay away from  packaged foods, fries and soda. Buy more fruits  and vegetables and make them accessible for taking.  Teach your children that you respect your body by what you put into it and they will learn to respect  their body too.
  3. Make some firm house rules. Once food is on the table, they cannot ask for something else.  Parents who are short order cooks end up feeding their kids what they want and not what they should have!
  4. Cut down on kid’s TV time. TV is clearly linked to kids diets. All kids want what they see on TV.
  5. Get out together for family fun. Bike rides, walks, hikes, or going to a park  are good for all families.
  6. As school starts, be aware of school lunches.  They are typically not too healthy. Make your kids lunches and add healthy snacks. At least you have control of what they bring to school. At first, much of it will come back home again.

The obesity problem in children is caused by lifestyle  choices made by families. It is rarely caused by thyroid  or other hormone issues. If we teach our children a  healthy lifestyle, that will be a lesson that can add years  onto their lives and take away years of suffering with  obesity related illnesses. Take control of their diet  when they are young. Hold onto that control during grade school. Show them other means of staying healthy through exercise and activity. You will all add years to your enjoyment of each other.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology

Living With Our Childrens Emotions

You tell your daughter that she cannot go over a  friend’s house and she runs to her room to cry. You tell  your son to stop throwing the legos and he proceeds to  angrily destroy his castle and scatter legos around the  room. Our children express emotion openly and actively.  How should parents deal with their emotions? What do your  kids expect from us when they act out their emotions in  such extreme ways?

Children need to experience emotion during childhood  and learn how to deal with emotion over time. Parents can  help them learn from emotional outbursts. But many parents  approach emotion in ways that confuse children. Some  parents try to fix it. If a pet dies, they replace the pet  with a new one. Therefore, their child doesn’t learn to  mourn.

Some parents provide excuses for emotion. “She always  acts like this when she is tired.” A child learns that he  doesn’t have to deal with emotion, he just needs to rest.  And finally, many parents own their child’s emotion. When  they see their child upset, they absorb the emotion  themselves and the whole house is occupied by that child’s  emotion. The child learns that she doesn’t have to deal  with emotion. It is as if the children think that mom and  the whole house can deal with my emotion for me and I get  all the attention in the process. In this situation the  more the parent tries to deal with the emotion, the more  emotion the parent sees. The child only becomes more  confused by dealing with their personal emotion as  everyone’s problem.

So how should parents deal with their child’s emotion?

To teach children how to handle their emotions parents  need to label the emotion for the child. Children often  find themselves reacting without understanding why. If we  can teach them what each emotion is, they start to learn  that these emotions are part of what everyone experiences.  They can start to believe that emotions are a normal part  of life. What’s more, they see in their parent an  understanding of emotions.

Parents need to learn some vocabulary of emotion in  order to label the emotions of their children.  Disappointments, sadness, grief, anger, excitement,  surprise, frustration, envy, joy, are just a beginning to a  vocabulary of emotion. There are lists of emotions and  even refrigerator magnets with faces and emotions labeled.  Do some work on your vocabulary.

Once you are able to label a child’s emotion, the next  step for parents is to express empathy. This is an  expression of understanding of the feeling the child is  experiencing. Labeling the emotion starts this. But  relating an experience with the same emotion shows our  child that you have been there too. “I know you are  disappointed. I have been disappointed by the change of  plans many times. I’m sorry you’re disappointed.” This  tells the child that you have experienced the same emotion  and have gotten over it. Children don’t know whether their  feeling will go away. They have a sense that they will be  disappointed forever. Hearing that you’ve had the same  emotion and have gotten over it ends your child’s belief  that the feeling won’t go away.

Finally, parents need to let their children experience  the emotion. You cannot take it away. But after proper  labeling and empathy the child can develop the capacity to  move through their emotion. Let them cry or stomp. You  have done your job. Remember they may want you involved  with their emotion. They may want to bring the house down  into their feeling. After labeling and expressing empathy,  it is best to let them process their emotion on their own.  They will grow in the experience.

Of course if your child is experiencing extremes of  emotion and are dangers to themselves or others, you should  seek help. Otherwise by following these guidelines,  children can learn to deal with their emotions and parents  will grow in their parenting skills.

Behavior, Family, Homepage, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Learning the Vocabulary of Emotion

When birthdays come around, birthday gifts are given to the birthday child and others are jealous. When a pet dies,  children grieve. When a play date cannot happen, a child is  disappointed. When an obstacle is faced, bravery is summoned.  Children can be joyful, happy or downright elated. When one  child has a friend over and the sibling does not, one is happy,  but the other is resentful. How can we bring up children and  handle all their emotions if we can’t label what emotions they  are having? The answer is – we can’t. It is important for all  parents to learn a vocabulary of emotion.

When our children have an emotion, part of how they learn  to deal with it is learning what it is. When children are in an  emotional state they don’t know if it will last forever or go  away shortly. A feeling can be negative or positive. Kids may  want joyful emotions to last forever. On the other hand, sad  emotions feel like they will last forever. In either case,  emotions are learning opportunities. To teach about emotion  parents need to label it for the child. These are new  experiences for them. After a label, a parent can relate an  experience with that emotion. “I was disappointed last week  when daddy had to work late and we couldn’t go out to dinner.  Remember?” This shows the child that you have been there – and  survived the emotion. Then the child should be allowed to get  over their emotion – to have it, own it and learn how to resolve  it. It is not the parent’s job to get the child out of the  emotion. The child will only learn to get things by using the  emotion another time.

So, how does a parent learn a vocabulary of emotion? Let’s  start with these words: Happy, sad, angry, disappointed,  depressed, enraged, surprised, embarrassed, scared, brave,  aggressive, defensive, elated, lonely, jealous, resentful,  frustrated, mourning, sorry, pensive, love, hate, proud. This  is a start. Learn these words and what they mean. More  importantly, notice when your child experiences the emotion and  label it for them. “It seems you are jealous that you didn’t  get a present. We all get jealous at times.” Then let your  child experience the emotion. I am convinced that we are doing  more harm to children by robbing them of their emotional  experiences than we would do by labeling the experience and  letting them own it. When children grow having emotions and  understanding them, they become more stable young adults. If  children grow up in families that deny emotion or avoid dealing  with emotion, kids become confused by emotion well into  adulthood. Take the first step in helping your kids. Label their  emotion and show some understanding of it- they will thank you  when they become a mature adult.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Toddler

Just Do It

Your usually compliant fifteen month old starts arching her back to avoid getting into her car seat. Tooth brushing is met with firmly sealed lips. Perhaps changing  into pajamas gets to be a struggle. Suddenly everything you do with your 15 to 18 month old child’s body becomes a  wrestling match. What is going on? How should parents face these challenging struggles?

I see many parents who spend time every day trying to  rationally talk their toddler into doing what the parents  want. They often give up with a frustrated shrug saying  “he just won’t cooperate”. It is quite natural for  children of this age to refuse to have things done to their  bodies. At a year and a half of age children become very  focused on “me”. They strive for control of things for  themselves. At the same time that they refuse to have  things done for them they often demand that “I do it”. Of  course they may not have the skills to do things well such  as brushing their teeth or buckling their car seat.  Nevertheless, they want to do it themselves. Interceding  with their process causes a fit. So what is the best way  to face this willfulness?

Children at this age do not respond to reasoning very  well. After all, they do not have a reasonable assessment  of their ability to accomplish certain tasks, do they?  Parents will waste time and energy trying to rationally  discuss the approach to the problem at hand. We do better  giving the child a fair chance at the task and them taking  over with “our turn”. Many children won’t react well to  even a shared task. Nevertheless, parents need not allow  the child to control the situation for too long. After a  couple of options and a certain amount of time my wife and  I would resolve the situation by saying “sorry, its time to  just do it”. We would know that we would face a struggle  but we would be ready for it. The first step in “doing it”  was being in position to avoid an escape. Often my son or  daughter would need to be held. Gentle consistent pressure  would overcome any back bending resistance to a car seat.  It takes practice to hold your child and brush teeth or  change a diaper. A colleague of mine was in the practice  of changing a diaper with her knees holding her child’s  torso so her face, body and arms faced her child’s legs. Her arms were free to clean the dirty diaper area. It  seems mean and we need to be careful about how much force  we use. But because many toddlers resist things that need  to be done, parents need to have a point to “just do it”.  It’s not only a slogan for Nike. It is a necessity in homes with toddlers around. Yes we can give toddlers  choices. We can give them a moment to decide to cooperate.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Teen, Values and Morals

It’s Not Fair

You say “no” to your eight year old. He has enough legos and he doesn’t need ones he has. Then you hear it. “It’s not  fair. Jimmy has that one. How come I can’t get it?” Now you  feel a little guilty. He’s right; his friend Jimmy does have  it. But your son has enough. Should you change your mind?

“It’s not fair.” What a phrase! How do kids learn to use  this? All parents have to realize that all kids use this phrase  to try to guilt their parents into giving them what they want.  All kids! It fascinates me how they learn to use it. Kids must  know that you care to please them. They know that. It becomes  a universal play children use to make you feel that you are not  pleasing them as much as every other parent is pleasing their  children. The follow up to “it’s not fair” is “everyone else  has it”. Do they really know that “everyone else has it” or  “gets it” or “is going to get it”? Of course not. But since  when does a child’s argument have to be factual.

Meanwhile, parents are overloaded. We work more hours. We  spend less time as a family. So many parents compensate by  getting things and giving in to their kids. No wonder kids  learn that “it’s not fair” plays into the parent’s guilt by  making parents feel like they are depriving them not only with  less time together but also with not getting them what everyone  else has.

However, there is a lesson that kids need to learn. Kids  need to know that life isn’t fair. It never is and never will  be. Nor should our kids expect it to be. Many young adults  today are suffering depression from the shock of trying to  sustain all that was handed to them when they were younger as  they enter the “real world” and have to earn things for  themselves. They are learning too late that life isn’t fair.

This doesn’t mean that we should purposely deprive  children. It does mean that we have to recognize this play of  “it’s not fair”. Children shouldn’t be teaching parents about  fairness. We should be teaching them. To start, we need to  face down this play by saying “You are right. It is not fair.  But you can’t always get something because you want it.”  (Editorial comment – The advertising campaign by a certain car  company, which says, “a strong want is a justifiable need” is  teaching a horrible lesson!)

Kids don’t have a good sense of fairness. They learn this  by having good rules that apply to all at home. They learn  fairness from what example we show. Do we treat others with  respect and fairness?

Alternatively, our kids also need to learn unfairness.  Unfairness that hurts people should be fought. This goes for  parents and children to fight injustice in our society on the  small scale and the large scale. But small bits of unfairness –  when a friend gets to go some place special and your child  doesn’t – or when their friend has something they don’t – your  child needs to learn that you can’t always get what you want.  This is really less about fairness and more about how children  learn about disappointment – an emotion they need to learn!

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology

Is Our Culture Raising Your Child

It is startling how our culture is affecting our  children. When we talk about culture, we include different  facets of life exerting influence on society’s members.  Religion, art, traditions, and family habits and hobbies  should create an environment where children grow in a  culture of values. Today the greatest value that  influences our children’s development may be consumerism  stemming from the influence of TV & technology. This has  been recently outlined in the book “Born to Buy: The  Commercialized Child and the New Consumer Culture” by  Juliet Schor. In this book, Ms. Schor dissects the effects  of marketing to children. She shows how powerfully our  children have been commercialized and what negative  outcomes result. Ms. Schor points out that in our consumer  culture, our children are suffering more depression,  anxiety, low self esteem and psychosomatic complaints.  These troubling conclusions are based on Ms. Schor’s own  study of 300 fifth and sixth graders.

Other books also confirm our society’s effects on children  as consumers. In his book, Seven Habits of Highly  Effective Families, Steven Covey points out that there are  many differences in our culture now compared to forty to  fifty years ago. Fifty years ago, family life consisted  of one parent working outside the home, extended family  nearby, religion a part of their lives, low incidence of  violent crime, safe schools without discipline problems,  and a low influence of TV and technology. Today we  have a high divorce rate, 60% need of daycare, both  parents working out of the home by necessity, increased  violent crime, discipline problems in schools, distant  extended families, decreased influence of religion, and an  overwhelming influence of TV and technology. This change  in our culture is overwhelming! The key question is how  can families bring back their own culture while staving off  the harmful effects of our culture.

Here are some ideas.

  1. Establish continuous family traditions. We all may get  together as a family on Christmas and Thanksgiving. But  what about repetitive traditions like family meals together  around a table or a Sunday afternoon outing together as a  family. Family traditions establish a base from which our  kids can establish an identity. It is definitely time for  families to reestablish some foundation of traditions that  aren’t just once or twice a year.
  2. Increase time for personal interaction within the  family. Turn off the TV. Play games. Kids can learn a  lot from you but only if they are interacting
  3. Decrease use of technology at home. Technology is  taking over our culture. Limit its use so it doesn’t  interfere with family time.
  4. Discuss and think about religion. Every culture has  religion playing a role. Be open to discuss your views and  to hear your kid’s views on religion. However, even if  they are entitled to their opinion, you still have a right  to expose them to your religious beliefs.
  5. Practice art and art appreciation. No matter if you  are good or bad in art, kids need exposure to different  forms of art – and many programs are cut from schools.  Many museums have programs for kids and have open times for  families with kids. You don’t have to be good in art to  foster an interest and appreciation of art.
  6. Play music. Listen to different types of music. Seek  out plays and drama. Or in the least, appreciate some  classic good movies together.
  7. Enjoy our nature. Our natural surroundings are  beautiful and contribute greatly to our culture. Let your  kids know how our seaside setting has contributed to how we  lived in the past and how we live today.
  8. Decrease emphasis on consumerism. Don’t focus only  on certain brand names. And recognize that advertising  is having a tremendous effect on kids. Decrease their  exposure to it. Throw out those catalogs quickly and tune  out those commercials. With an increase in consciousness  toward the deluge of marketing towards our kids, perhaps  more parents can work to decrease its effect on the culture  in which our kids are growing.