Category Archives: Parenting Tips

Baby, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Infant, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Toddler

Parents Role In Reading

There has been a growth of programs to increase reading. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a program  to increase reading at home. Libraries have always  emphasized reading. Radio programs are plugging reading  programs. A recent study showed that when adults have  books at home the more literate the household becomes. It  has been suggested that Pediatricians ask mothers during  office visits “How many books do you have at home?” as part  of an effort to increase reading. Certainly, reading is  important. But why all the effort to increase reading?

Some troubling statistics answer the question. Today  many college graduates in America cannot read and write  well. Many high school graduates fail reading and writing.  Americans, in general, are reading less. Book sales in the  U.S. have decreased. Books are losing to computers and  T.V. and as a result 30 percent of our high schoolers are  dropping out nationwide. It is a shame that it has to be  emphasized anew. Many years ago it was assumed that  Americans had high literacy and high education levels. But  today we are dropping. This is a cause for every parent to  take up. What can parents do?

Reading must be a factor in your parenting today.  Children need to see books. They need to hear words. They  need to see parents reading. It doesn’t have to be a chore.  Parents do not need to tediously teach their kids to read.  That is a role for teachers and schools. And not all  children learn to read at the same rate. Don’t panic if  you have a late reader. But kids need to see the  importance of books and reading everyday in their home.

Books on tape are a great alternative. It allows  children to use more imagination than videos. They can  play or draw while listening. During a long drive, books  on tape make the ride shorter. If the book isn’t over they  may not want the ride to end.

Keep reading and listening. Take trips to the  library. Use libraries as a resource for books for your  child. Always read a little above your child’s level so  they yearn to read bigger more interesting books. If you are worried about your child’s reading, talk to  your school. There is always extra help available. But  don’t give up at home – keep reading.

Lessons from books are in no short supply. From Greek  myths, to comedies, to English literature, our kids learn  more than words. Life’s lessons are taught through the  experience of centuries. Exposure to books is valuable to  kids and to families – for the lessons and the togetherness  they provide. But in the long run, reading provides an  added value to your child’s education that cannot be  provided in any other way then in their homes.

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Parenting For A Better Community

Can you picture a community where parents have babysitting cooperatives? Or communities where businesses  give a “penny-a-purchase” to the community for child care  for those in need? Or a summer program where teens can  “hang out” and be available for odd jobs in the community?  Or where volunteers help tutor students? How about a  volunteer taxi service for the elderly that doesn’t just  run on Election Day? Could any of these ideas become  realities? Perhaps they may become necessities.

Communities can face increasing cuts in services  according to reports about the new proposed federal budget.  Just think what we could teach our kids with greater  commitment to community service.

Just think what we may  gain with greater cooperation with each other over common  causes?

Let’s face it, our culture has been pushing us towards  more individualism and isolation. Even now our government  continues to push us in this direction with the “ownership  society”. As we move in this direction, community services  shrink. That is where increasing cooperation between  community members comes in. If child care programs are  cut, for instance, communities will have to come up with  ways to fill the void.

What does this have to do with parenting? These  issues facing communities should be issues that concern  parents. A loss in services decreases supports to families  and makes family life more difficult – especially for those  who are not financially self sufficient. It is becoming a  necessity for parents to work for better communities. Here  are my suggestions to parents.

1. Parents need to break down barriers that lead to  isolation. Families need each other for support and  sharing of resources. If we all cloister in our own  homes, we will never achieve the necessary sense of  greater community.

2. TV and technology needs to be used more sparingly.  TV, Game boy, computer games, the Internet, Instant  Messaging and cell phones increase our isolation  from each other. How can we build community without  personal interaction? Young children don’t need  technology. They need best friends to play with –  and I mean interactive game play. As young kids  play together, bonds form between families – and a  community builds.

3. Families need to be involved in community activities.  Your involvement could be service oriented such as  working at a food pantry, or driving seniors to  the market. Through serving others, we receive  gratification for doing something good and our  children learn what it is like to give of themselves  to improve the situation of others in our community.

4. Parents need to recognize that each one of us will  have our turn to struggle. Few in our society are  so self sufficient that troubles with joblessness, loss of benefits, school problems and other family  struggles don’t rise up at some inoperative time.  Families should be open to give support to others and  to receive help when they need it.

5. Every community needs supportive services for  families. We cannot allow the push towards ownership  and individualism to continue to erode necessary community services. We need to push back and insist  that our government provide adequate supports to  schools, health care, child care, housing, police and  firefighting services that help keep our families  healthy and secure.

6. Parents need to raise their level of concern about  these issues to a new level. As parents we cannot  wait for further erosion of our schools or our health care system before we become aware and start taking an interest in these issues. These issues are tied to  family security for a majority of families. We, as  parents, have to break out of our isolated shells and  see where the trend is going. We need to teach our  children about the concern for greater community good  by expressing our interest in it.

So if you are interested in working on some of the  ideas I outlined above, get in contact with me or Stacy  Randall at Cape Ann Families. The time is now to work,  serve, and parent for a better community.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology

Parenting As A Team

You come home from work and your wife is in a heated  debate with your daughter. She wants to ride her bike to  the local store and buy some candy with her own money. You  intercede saying, “What are you two fighting about?” After  a briefing of the issue, you tell your wife to chill out  and stop being so rigid and let your daughter go to the  store. You feel a bit smug and can’t understand why your  wife has to be so rigid with the kids. Meanwhile your wife  feels disempowered and is angry about it. When your  daughter leaves your wife explains “you probably wouldn’t  feel so smug if you realized she already had candy from a  party today and that her doctor told me yesterday to watch  her diet. Good move big guy!” Then you feel like an  idiot.

This wouldn’t happen if spouses make agreements about  how they go about parenting. We all have times where we  are the ones enforcing some rules. As enforcers we need  support from the other parent. Parents need to work  together because children know how to work a divided  parenting structure. If one parent enforces rules more  than the other then children learn to go to the softer  parent.

So how do parents work together to provide consistency  in parenting? It starts with respect. You must respect  your spouse in his or her role as a parent. If one parent  is always dismissed by the other, that parent will have a  hard time upholding authority over the children. Parents  should not undermine each other by acting all knowing or  superior in parenting style. Let’s face it; most of us  don’t know everything there is to parenting. It is  important to demonstrate respect for each others’ authority.

Don’t intercede in an ongoing argument unless invited  by the other parent. Children will try to draw you into  the argument on their side. Don’t fall for this. If you  do you risk undermining your spouse.

Debate issues between the two of you in private away  from the kids. You don’t need the kids to be throwing  their opinions into your disagreements over parenting  issues. Come to decisions on rules and their enforcement  together. Then carry out enforcement of these rules in the  same way.

Don’t agree to a child’s request if you know that the  decision is controversial. Children will go to both  parents separately in order to get one or the other to say  “yes”. A “yes” from one parent is as good as a “yes” from  two. Make sure the child’s request is discussed between  the two parents before granting approval. Kids love to  divide and conquer. Don’t let them do it to you.

As we know, parenting is a tough job. Working  together to support each other in arguments, to set up  rules, and to respond to children’s requests can save your  parenting and can go a long way even to save your marriage.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology

Parenting In Divorces And Separations

As a pediatrician for over 22 years, caring for  children of divorced parents has always been a big part of  my practice. Being involved in the care of these children  can be a complicated matter. I often have to take into  account whether the prescriptions I write will make it to  the other spouses home. Will asthma treatment be  consistent between homes? Will the kids I care for get  consistent therapy no matter where they live? I certainly  hope that when it comes to medical treatments both parents  share the desire for consistent treatment. A bigger desire  for me is for divorced parents to provide consistent care  for their children even for non-medical issues!!

Up to fifty percent of our marriages in the U.S. end  in divorce. Children often experience horrible conflict  before a divorce. Most of the time, the conflict that  occurs before a divorce, leaves enough scars that continued  conflict after the divorce serves to keep the wounds open.  It is known that children of “peaceful” divorces do better  than those with continued conflict. This is an important  point for all divorced parents to know. Certainly, when  there is enough conflict in a marriage people shouldn’t  “stay together for the sake of the kids”. But in getting a  divorce, both parents should work toward peaceful solutions  of conflict “for the sake of the children”. Here are some  general guidelines for Divorce Parenting.

1. Both parents need to recognize that children do  better in divorce situations where parents are  amiable over decisions involving the children.

2. Don’t use your children as weapons against your  former spouse. “Tell your mother not to keep you up  so late.” “Tell your father to give you a healthy  dinner for a change.” These messages given through  children are actually thinly disguised attacks  against the former spouse. Children don’t need to  hear these attacks and shouldn’t be involved in  them. If you have something to say to your spouse,  communicate directly or through email or notes.

3. Recognize that your child has a right and a need to  love each parent as they wish. They have a right to  judge each parent for themselves.

4. Keep your opinions about your spouse’s character to  yourself. In other words, don’t badmouth your former  spouse in front of the kids.

5. Don’t battle for your children’s favor by giving in  to all their desires. Children get spoiled this way.  They get wise to this battle and use your attitude  to get their way. Then they get confused when rules  need to be enforced by the other parent.

6. Try to communicate about rules – children need  consistency over certain rules. This is particularly  true over bedtime, homework, diets and curfews.

7. Recognize that there may be some differences between  households. Mom may cook at home but dad always  orders out. Many of these differences may be okay.  Kids can learn the rules that you have that are  different from your spouses and respect them.

8. Don’t buy into children’s arguments that “Dad let’s  me!” Kids can learn to get their way by dividing  parents against each other (even in solid marriages).  When kids say “Well, dad let’s me”, you can say  “That’s fine, but you can’t now with me.”

9. Be open to getting help if you start witnessing  extreme behaviors in your children. If because of  their emotional stress your children are failing to  function in school or other outside activities, seek  some help. Divorce is stressful for everyone and  kids often feel the stress in unique ways.

10. Both parents should have goals around caring for  their kids. These goals should focus on three things  kids need in divorce – love, care, and consistency.  If both parents work towards goals of how you will  show your child these three things, your kids may not  suffer terribly from your separation. This may help  you through the hardest part of divorce – helping  your kids cope with the changes in their lives.

 

Baby, Diseases and Conditions, Infant, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Teen, Toddler

No Need To Fear Vaccines

What a terrible injustice to vaccine makers, and to doctors and nurses who give vaccines. The injustice was that of Wakefield  and his associates when they published a report in 1998 that  linked MMR vaccines with autism. That created a worldwide  furor (yes worldwide through internet scuttlebutt) over the MMR  vaccine and autism. Why do I call it an injustice?

The little told story of this incendiary conclusion of Wakefield  and friends is that their conclusion was false. In 2006,  seven out of ten investigators retracted their support for  Wakefield’s conclusions. Furthermore it was revealed that  Wakefield was funded by lawyers who brought cases against  vaccine companies. This fact has lead Wakefield to court to  defend his falsification of his data. So in fact, there has  never been a verifiable research study supporting an autism-vaccine link. Yet, the rumors and bad mouthing of vaccines  continue.  Many medical groups from different countries have  looked at vaccine data and have concluded just the opposite –  that there is no link between vaccines and autism. There is no  link between MMR vaccine and autism and there is no link between  mercury in vaccines and autism. So why do people still fear  vaccines?

It is easy for a family with an autistic child to conclude that  the autism diagnoses coincided with the end of the primary  vaccine series. That is a coincidence of timing – but not cause  and effect. Yet this makes it easy to perpetuate the vaccine  fear that vaccines cause autism. They do not. There is no  reason to fear vaccines. In fact, there is good reason to fear  not being vaccinated.

In my twenty-five year career in pediatrics I have seen cases  of measles, mumps, meningitis, chicken pox and polio – all  preventable through vaccines. We see dramatically less of these  harmful illnesses through the vaccines we give. Pediatricians  use to do spinal taps weekly on babies looking for meningitis.  Now spinal taps are a rare medical procedure in pediatrics.   Some people think that we don’t need to give these vaccines  as often since these diseases are more rare. Nothing can be  further from the truth. Last year, measles and mumps swept  across part of our country from the Midwest to the Northeast.  Other bacteria that cause ear infections, pneumonias, and  meningitis are still alive and well. Whooping cough still  troubles communities. Even polio is not eliminated worldwide.  The risks of vaccines are minimal compared to one death caused  by one of these nasty illnesses.

If you are worried about vaccines, you need not be.   Nonetheless, talk to your doctor. Bring this article to him  or her. See if your doctor can verify the truths in this  article. The fact of the matter is this, the worldwide rumor  mongering about vaccines has been a great force to battle. We,  in medicine, have not been very good at battling the vaccine  naysayers. But the evidence is clear and more confident  conversations about the great benefits of vaccines have to  occur. In reality, there is little fear. Vaccines save  lives and your child is safer in this world when he or she is  vaccinated.

Baby, Family, Infant, Parenting Tips

Navigating Through The Baby Information Ocean

Congratulations! You are going to have a baby. As you  get close to the time of having your child, after going  through nine months of pregnancy you face a new life and a  new world of information. The amount of baby information  is astounding. Just trying to buy the appropriate car seat  may require hundreds of pages of reading. The American  Academy of Pediatrics car seat pamphlet alone is six  pages long! Then there are thousands of newborn books,  magazines, websites, videos and tapes on all the other  aspects of care. By the end of your baby’s first month,  you can find yourself afloat on a virtual ocean of baby  information.

As a Pediatrician who for twenty-two years has enjoyed  counseling new parents, I have a set of guidelines to help  keep you from being overwhelmed by all the baby information  that surrounds us. Here is a guide for new parents to use  to go from novice to good parent.

1. There is not one expert that you must listen to.  Even when I advise parents in my practice, I tell  them that what I offer is only advice. Advice can  be used or discarded depending on how it suits you.  With your baby you are the parent and only you will  become the expert on your baby.

2. There is nothing more valuable than a few good  friends. Your friends who have seen through  child rearing may have valuable things to offer to  you. Support from a trusted source such as your  mother or an intimate friend, is as time tested as  pregnancy itself. Unfortunately with our mobile  society, this part of child rearing has become harder  to maintain. Nevertheless, finding the right people  to support you can be critical to your success  especially in the early days of your parenting  career.

3. Trust yourself. Though you will need support as a  new parent, you also need to have faith in yourself.  Most of baby care is using common sense. And I must  say that through all my experience I have mostly  witnessed good use of sense from parents. We all  have to grow into our parenting roles. This takes  time. None of us have parented before and none of us  go through a training program. This gives us plenty  of room for self doubt. But have faith. Many people  have gone before us and learned on the job as we  will. You will do well. Take your time. This is an  overwhelming experience with an overwhelming amount  to learn. Stay committed to learning and you will be  a great parent.

4. Take in a little at a time. We already established  that there is a huge amount of baby care and child  rearing information. But nobody uses all that  information all the time. Having resources at your  disposal when you need it may be a more functional  approach to the information. Have your friends or  your pediatrician suggest some books to have at your  disposal. A few key books, a good local library, and  perhaps a parenting magazine subscription (a good  baby shower gift) may be all you need. Magazines  are good to keep since you’ll never know when that  back issue will be just the answer for the current  problem you’re having with your child. Getting the  information when you need it is practical and less  stressful than trying to know everything there is to  know about babies all at one time.

5. Choose what works for you. When you are facing a  problem with your child you will face a time when  your pediatrician says one thing, your mother another  and your favorite magazine a third. No two people  raise their babies the same way. Likewise, nobody  always has the exact advice you need for your baby.  You are allowed to make a decision for yourself on  what to do with your baby. There is no right or  wrong way to raise a child. Do what your heart says  is right. You have to be the one comfortable with  your own parenting.

6. Finally, the most important thing is to love your  child. Sometimes we can be so worried about whether  we are doing things right that we forget the most  important things. No decision we make will break  our baby’s childhood. Relax. Smile, play with your  baby. With enough support and resources available  we should feel empowered to feel good about being a  parent. We should relieve ourselves of the pressure  we feel. And recognize that the most important  parenting rule is that our children should feel loved  and cared for. So love your child and everything  will be ok. You’ll feel like you are surfing above  that information ocean.

Behavior, Diseases and Conditions, Family, Nutrition, Parenting Tips, Psychology

“My Tummy Hurts”

“My tummy hurts”, “I have a headache”, “I’m not hungry”. I have heard these  complaints a thousand times a year. I have heard these complaints in Italy, Honduras,  and America. It is universal. Kids complain about body issues to their parents – and  to their doctors. But when is a complaint just a complaint and when is it a harbinger of  illness? “My tummy hurts” is a phrase all parents hear. Many times the child expresses  discomfort to their parents. Yet, the discomfort may mean many things to the child. It  could mean “I am full, or “hungry” or “I need to go to the bathroom”. Perhaps it means it  “hurts” in fleeting, temporary, crampy sort of way.

“I have a headache” surprises parents. People don’t believe kids should have  headaches. But they do and most are not troublesome. Most are easily treated with rest  or tylenol. Certainly time and attention helps too.

The complaint “I’m not hungry” often is followed by a series of questions. “Why, don’t  you feel well? Do you have a fever? Is your throat sore?” But perhaps the child just  doesn’t want to eat.

When children complain should parents and other caring adults be concerned? Is  something really wrong? Will they starve? Will they get sicker? Many children’s  complaints don’t need any action. Many only need patience and observation. Often a  little attention suffices to solve the problem. Sometimes that is the only thing the child  was after to begin with.

Of course, we as adults fear overlooking real illness. But we need not worry too much  with complaints alone. With real illness children demonstrate real evidence of illness.  A temperature may come. Cough, vomiting, diarrhea, ear pain or sore throats become  apparent. Rarely is a simple complaint evidence of illness without some corresponding  signs. It is when children are demonstrating a combination of factors (i.e. a complaint  of stomach ache and diarrhea and signs of dehydration) that medical advice should be  sought after. A complaint alone needs patience, love, time and keen observation.

Complaints that persist with regularity without physical signs may lead to other  questions. If complaints are during week days, is there a problem with school? Is  the child missing a lot of school? Are the complaints a manifestation of something  happening at school such as bullying? Could the complaints be part of stress at home?  Or could the complaints be evidence of anxiety or depression in the child?

We all hear complaints from children. It happens in all cultures and all countries.  What to do about complaints may not be as easy as a trip to the doctor’s office. When  children are truly physically ill, they’ll show us. It is the other complaints that take more  wisdom to discover the real cause. And there are many complaints that go away only  because of the love and care we show.

Behavior, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

My Child Is A Liar

You hear a crash in the other room. You dash around  the corner to find your son several feet away from your  precious ceramic bowl that lies shattered on the floor.  You ask, “Who broke my bowl?” To which your son answers,  “I didn’t do it.” “But you are the only one here. It must  have been you.” Again, your son says “I didn’t do it! It  fell by itself.” “You know dishes can’t fall by  themselves.” “Then someone else must have knocked it  over.” And so it goes, no matter what you say, your son  lies and cannot face the truth of what happened. Almost  more upsetting to you then the broken bowl is the fact that  you have a son that is a liar.

This can be disturbing to parents. Naturally we want  to forge trusting relationships with our children. How can  you do that when your child lies? Worse than that, when  caught apparently red-handed in a lie, your child can’t  seem to face the truth. How should parents respond?  Should we be angry? Should we wash their mouths out? What  kind of response do lies warrant? Do different  circumstances warrant different responses? How can we  manage lying so that we can foster a trusting relationship?

The first thing parents need to realize is that  children have a different sense of reality. They live half  of their days in an imagined world. What this means is  that when they say “it fell by itself” or “someone else did  it”, they may actually believe what they say is true! As a  result, it can be very frustrating for parents to argue  with their children over what is the truth. You may never  get the admission of guilt you are after because of their  different sense of reality. So how should parents handle  lies?

First, be careful on placing blame. Children are very  sensitive to blame. So unless you really witness the  crime, don’t be direct in blaming your child. In the above  scene if the parent continues to argue that her son broke  the bowl, he will continue to defend himself based on his  sense of what really happened. With an unwitnessed crime  as in the above scenario it is better to voice your  displeasure that your bowl was broken. Then while he helps  you clean up the bowl and after, your boy deserves a cold  shoulder for a period of time.

If the scenario changed a little and you actually saw  that he broke your bowl while playing with a ball then you  can be direct in your correction no matter what lies or  fabrications come your way. “I don’t care if you think  someone else did it, I saw you knock over my bowl with your  ball. Now you can sit quietly in your room for a while.”

Lies often get more sophisticated over time. Children  get smarter as they get older. And trying to get away with  lies is a time honored rite of childhood. So don’t fret  over your child being a liar. Leave name calling and  labeling of your child out of this. In treating each lying  event keep it simple. If you don’t truly catch your child  in the act, sternly repeat your expectations for honesty.  If you catch your child in a lie, give an age appropriate  punishment and reinforce your need for honesty.

The most important lessons about lies and honesty for  our kids come from how we, the parents, treat our children  and others. If we treat others with honesty and respect,  our children will learn that it is important to treat  people that way. But for them it will take time and a few  lies to learn how to treat people honestly.

Behavior, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology

More Than One Way To Spoil A Child

Over my 20 + years of practice I have learned that spoiling a child comes in  different forms. Some forms of spoiling can be invisible to parents unless they think  about it. Parents can innocently fall into patterns of responding to their children that  inadvertently spoil their children in one way or another. So what are the ways we can  spoil children?

I break down spoiling to four forms, (1) all attention all the time, (2) no emotion  going unnoticed, (3) behavior gaining rewards and (4) getting anything they want. Let’s  look at each form one at a time.

Parents want to be attentive to their children and children yearn for attention. But  some kids work hard to get their parents’ attention and get it all the time. These parents  feel that they never get a break. The children grow up believing the world revolves  around them. They learn to be the entertainers. They love being the center of attention  and seek it out. Certainly kids need attention but they don’t need it 24/7.

The second form of spoiling is what I call “no emotion going unnoticed.” These  parents cannot bear to see their child experiencing an emotion without trying to care for it  for the child. This is fine when sharing a positive emotion. However, for many negative  emotions children learn that the parent is needed to take care of their emotion. They  learn that mom or dad takes on and fixes any sadness or disappointment. Children may  use this to get things they want by using emotion. No parent wants to see a sad or  disappointed child. Nevertheless, after defining the emotion and sharing some  experience with the same emotion, parents should not rob their children of the  opportunity to experience the emotion for themselves. These are important lessons for  children even if it is hard for parents to witness.

The third way of spoiling is when behavior gains rewards. This way of spoiling  is obvious for many people looking from the outside. We may see this in public places  when a child tantrums and gets rewarded with a toy or candy in order to stop the  behavior. Children learn to act out in certain ways to get what they want (or a suitable  substitute). Parents need to be aware of this and work to ignore negative behaviors. Be  sure that no behavior governs your action. Don’t work to get your children out of  negative zones. They need to control their own behavior without getting anything for it.

The last way children are spoiled is straight forward. These are the kids who “get  anything they want”. These kids learn that they can expect and get everything they want  whether they deserve it or not.  The world is theirs – even if they don’t earn it. These  kids are the ultimate in privileged children. Children need to learn to earn things they  want. They should not learn to receive through privilege.

Spoiling does not benefit children or our future society. Parents need to reflect on  these forms of spoiling and reassess how they approach their children’s emotion,  behavior and true needs. We want to care and provide for our children. But when we  overdo it, there are consequences for our children now and in the future. Each of these  forms of spoiling has a down side. Kids can learn to get the attention or to use emotion.  They can receive just by being the privileged son or daughter. What is it that you want to  teach your child about how the world works, how people earn a living, or how privileged  we are? What are you teaching them? Think about it. And then change your approach so  your child learns the right lessons about life.

Behavior, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Mislabeling Your Mischievious Devil

“Oh, this one is our rascal!” “We’re going to have to  watch him.” “He’s my climber.” “He’s a devil.” “He is so  mischievous.” “She’s our sneaky one.” “She’s going to put us  in an early grave.” “We’re going to have to keep our eyes on  her.” How often do parents throw labels at their children? Is  it warranted? Does it do any good or does it reinforce behavior  we don’t want?

It is fascinating to see kids explore. They want to use new  talents to climb on stools, chairs and stairs. They want to look  at interesting new objects especially those with lights or  sound. And they want to copy what we do with the things we use.  They are naturally curious. So when kids start climbing chairs  and stools to get to our things that are out of their reach, why  are we surprised? Likewise, the TV remote is of interest to us  so kids find it fascinating. Stereo systems and other  mechanical things provide satisfaction for a child’s curiosity  into the adult’s world. It is no fault of children that they  develop interest in all things adults use. Yet it is usually  when children get into our things that they get their labels. It  is the child who learns how to turn on the TV, or take cookies  from a cabinet, or who sneaks off with the bag of chips that  gets assigned the negative label. There are better ways to deal  with this then labeling your child.

Labels really serve no purpose unless they are to  complement a child. “You are our piano genius.” “You really  know how to find lost things.” But labels with a negative  connotation do two things. First they tend to stick around. We  remember negative labels easily. Secondly, labels reinforce the  behavior by giving it too much attention. Parents end up  fulfilling their own prophecy of their “rascal” child by  repeatedly pointing out their “rascally” behavior. It is a  decent goal in all families to avoid negative labels put on any  child no matter how young or how old.

Instead of labeling, parents need to set boundaries for  their children. “You cannot play with the remote.” We can also  work preventatively by hiding the remote or putting it out of  range for temptation. Take corrective action. “You found the  remote again, I’m going go put it on the highest shelf now.”  Parents have to expect children to be inquisitive and curious.  It is not evil to be that way. By correcting these behaviors in  simple ways, we can avoid labels. As we do this, we must  remember to praise the positive in our children. After all, it  is the positive labels we want them to associate with  themselves. So label the positive, and simply correct the  negative without too much emphasis and attention. Our kids will  learn what is positive in their actions and gravitate towards  more positive actions. This way he or she won’t learn to be  your “mischievous devil”.