As hostilities dominate the newsreels, many parents  face an increase in childhood aggression. Whether managing  shoving matches between children, toddlers grabbing each  others toys, or open fights in playgrounds, all adults have  to face anger and aggression in children. What are we to  do to decrease hostile behavior in kids? What defines an  overly aggressive child? When should parents seek help?

We shouldn’t be surprised or overly worried to see  some aggression in kids. It is quite natural. Some  aggression is necessary for many kids to succeed in sports,  school, and social settings. We need to accept some  aggression so long as we set a framework of what level is  appropriate.

How aggression is acted out is an important issue as  well. Aggressive play with legos or army guys is different  from a realistic video game. Working out their aggression  in play with inanimate objects like legos is very valuable  to children. Children work out many scenes in their minds  through this play. Violent videos and computer games blur  the boundaries of appropriate aggression. Children who  play violent games are less likely to recognize real  violence as inappropriate. They are less likely to object  to violence and more likely to be aggressive then children  who don’t play violent computer games. This is becoming a  great problem particularly for boys. Curbing the use of  video games especially at a young age is important for  parents to enforce. Decreasing exposure to violent shows  and video games decreases aggression in children.

So what are some parameters for dealing with  aggressive acts in children? We start with defining the  who, where, and how of aggressive acts. Children can  display aggression against themselves, other people or to  pets. Aggression towards others should be corrected. We  should not allow pushing, hitting and grabbing of others to  get their way. Likewise, aggression towards pets or  animals is inappropriate, dangerous, and inhumane. We  cannot allow that either. In those cases kids should be  quickly and sternly corrected and then ignored. (Giving  kids too much attention for their inappropriate behavior  can be too rewarding to kids.)

When kids exhibit self-aggression, we may not want to  be too quick to correct it. Some kids hit themselves or  pull their own hair when they “goof up”. For the most  part, parents should not make too much of this. However,  if self-aggression reaches the point of really hurting  themselves (i.e. leaving bruises, scratches or cuts on  themselves) parents should seek some counsel from a  physician or counselor.

There are appropriate places that can help aggressive  children “work out” their anger. Wrestling, Karate, other  martial arts, football and other sports are areas where  children can use socially acceptable means to work out  aggression. Appropriate coaching is necessary for all  these sports. Parents need to listen and respond to  coaches who have to sit a child out or otherwise correct a  child who, even in these environments, are being “too  aggressive”. We need to support teachers and coaches who  discipline players for inappropriate behaviors.

Overall, parents who think their children are on the  aggressive side need to monitor this issue carefully.  Children need rules to contain aggression such as no  hitting, no biting, no throwing objects at people, and  never intentionally hurt an animal. When these rules are  broken, stern correction and isolation of the offender  should occur. In and out of home, appropriate ways to work  out tension and aggression should be taught. And when a  child is overly aggressive in too many situations seek  help. Parents need to listen to surrogate parents  (teachers or coaches) and support their decisions to  discipline an aggressive child. We are seeing a rise in  aggressive behaviors. Our kids need to learn appropriate  forms of aggressive behavior and it is up to all adults to  teach it.