Category Archives: Family

Supporting Special Love From Special Mothers

In all societies special children with unique medical problems exist. We know some of these children by special  names such as “autistic” or “retarded”. We say they have  cerebral palsy or brain damage. In England, some children  are openly called “spastics” and are supported by the  “Spastic Society”, the equivalent to our Cerebral Palsy  Society. Many times when my family encounters a family  with a special child, one of my children will ask me  (hopefully out of earshot of the child’s mother) what is  wrong with that child”. We all want to know how to label  the child. What we outsiders don’t realize is that these  children are the special loved ones of dedicated mothers no  matter what label we want placed on the child.

Through my whole career I have witnessed care given to  special children by their incredible mothers as a unique  kind of love. I came into my practice life with many  assumptions about these children and their parents that  were proven wrong through my experiences. Because many of  us have wrong impressions we say or do the wrong things to  mothers of special children. Perhaps by sharing some  lessons I have learned we can support these mothers and  fathers better.

Over the past twenty years I have had children in my  practice with various neurological and medical disorders  that required twenty-four hour vigilance from parents. I  have seen many of these children succumb to their illnesses  at early ages. It is in the losses of their special babies  that you learn the value they held for their families.  Time and again I was surprised at the extended mourning  process these families entered. Families heard phrases  from people such as, “now you can get on with your life” or  “it must be a relief not to be burdened anymore.” Each  time I heard from parents that these comments were wrong.  The parents made it clear to me that these children were  never considered a burden by the family. Often the family  bonded together in the service of their special child.  There was a special bond or love between these mothers and  their child. There was never any “relief” in their child’s  death. The deaths were huge losses for these families and  required months or years of recovery especially after years  of dedicated service to their child.

It is from these lessons of death that we can learn to  support the living. We can support families of special  children in a number of ways.

1. Respect them and recognize the special love that exists in the family bonds.

2. Get over your discomfort. We love to label  children with problems. It helps distance us from them. Accept that mentally retarded, spastic, and brain damaged children exist in every community. We need to accept them as they are.

3. There is no room for assigning fault. There is  no fault. This is very important for extended families. There is no use in declaring whose side of the family the problem “runs in”. Or that “I knew she smoked too much during her pregnancy”. These children exist and there is no need to assign fault or blame.

4. Listen to these families stories. Their stories  can be frightening and amazing. I know families that have rejoiced at every small sign of progress in their child – often a thing others take for granted such as a first step. Some of their stories are the most heartwarming you will hear.

5. Offer little things to help. No family of a  special child expects you to take over their child’s care. But doing something small such as offering to pick up things at the store for them while you are out shows kindness and understanding to that family of a special child.

6. Be a friend to them. Families of special children  get isolated in society and feel that isolation.  Stop by for short times or call to check in. I  know that it helps the family feel part of a  bigger community.

I remember in Honduras when a very ill child, Angela,  with a severely damaged brain from birth died at an  orphanage. The director of the orphanage gave a  wonderful eulogy explaining that Angela made her needs  known to those who were closest to her. And all of  Angela’s caretakers cried because they knew it was  true. The director went on “They knew Angela’s moods.  They felt her love.” It is through these words that  we must remember the value these children hold in the  hearts of those who care for them. And that value  demands respect from the rest of us.

Stop The Bickering Sibling Versus Sibling – Round 2

You have put your rules on the refrigerator about  fighting. You have clearly explained them to your kids.  Yet, every morning the fights begin over again. “I want  the blue cup.” You give the blue cup to one child and say  it is his turn. Yet, the fight continues. You sternly  insist that the blue cup is in its rightful place. But  bickering continues over the plates, food, and everything  else through breakfast. You continue through breakfast  settling every argument from who gets the Winnie the Pooh  plate to who has more Coco Puffs. By the time breakfast is  over you are ready to ship your kids out for good. What  can you do to stop the constant bickering between your kids?

The most important concept regarding conflict between  your kids is that your kids want you to be involved. They  want you to settle their arguments for them whether it is  in their favor or not. They just want you to be involved  because it is a way for them to control you. Let’s watch  mom lose it while we bicker. Isn’t it a wonder what power  and control we have over her!

Therefore, the key in ending bickering is decreasing  your involvement in their conflicts. You cannot get  involved verbally or emotionally. Even if kids get an  emotional rise out of you they win. Minimize your words.  Try not to correct them verbally over bickering; they will  always have an answer. Remember; DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN  THEIR FIGHT.

Certainly you need to start with the rules. No  hitting. No biting. No throwing things. No being too  loud. Post these on your refrigerator and add your own.  Just remember, only correct for what you witness.  Otherwise you will be the arbiter of a hundred fights  starting with “he bit me; no I didn’t!” You cannot be sure  who is right unless you witness the offense.

Here are rules for parents to follow regarding their  bickering children. Stay uninvolved. Minimize your words.

If you believe that your kids fight to cause trouble  for you, you may be right. It might mean it is time for  you to step back and out of the conflict. A great book for  parents is Siblings without Rivalry. It may help a parent  gain a perspective on why kids fight and how parents can  learn to respond or not.

Squashing The Rudeness Epidemic

Dance instructors have asked me “Why are kids so rude these  days? If you reprimand a child in dance class for their  attitude you can expect a phone call from their parents later.”  Coaches have told me similar things. “Heaven forbid I sit a  star player for being a poor sport. The parents would have my  head.” Major magazines have had articles on the “rudeness  epidemic.” Is there any wonder why there is an epidemic if  parents don’t hold their kids responsible for their rudeness and  unsportsmanlike attitudes?

Certainly we don’t always have the best examples. Our pro  sports players have had numerous noteworthy displays of being  poor sports. But putting that aside for the moment, we must  think about how our kids display themselves to other adult  authority figures outside our houses. How do they represent you?

Keeping our kids from being rude takes a multifaceted  approach. We have to address rudeness from our children  wherever it occurs – at home, at school or at extracurricular  activities.

At home, parents often are at a loss on dealing with  rudeness or disrespect. We often react with anger, lectures and  worst of all, physical punishment. But these actions don’t  teach respect. Respect teaches respect. And this is one of the  toughest lessons for parents to learn. We must try to respect  them even when our kids don’t respect us. This doesn’t mean we  have to be nice! But yelling, lecturing and being physical can  be demeaning and not respectful to your kids as a person. When  we can respond to their rudeness to us with coolness we remain  in a respectful place yet give them the cool response rudeness  deserves. To top things off they learn that rudeness won’t get  a rise out of you. That decreases their motivation as well.  (And of course, decreasing a privilege or decreasing your  service to them may be very appropriate to go along with to your  cool responses.)

Children can learn a lot from parents by how you treat  people outside your house. Do you yell at people on the phone?  Are you short with people in stores? Children watch this and  mirror your actions as they face the outside world. Your kids  will take a page from your book and it won’t look pretty. We  need to model good respectful behavior for our children. So  when you hang up on that telemarketer do it with class and  respect.

When we hear about our child’s rudeness to a coach, teacher  or instructor, support that adult in sitting them on the bench  or excluding them from class. Yes we pay for those sports and  dance classes. But so do the other parents. So why should all  children be distracted and suffer due to your child’s rudeness?  They shouldn’t. Support the action of coaches and teachers.

Finally, all coaches, teachers, gymnastic instructors, and  dance teachers – all adults acting in authority over children in  their activities – need to have the authority to correct  children when their mouth speaks inappropriately. Foul  language, unsportsmanlike behavior, bad hand signals and  inappropriate outbursts should have repercussions. At the  beginning of the season or year, send home a behavior contract  for all involved in your program. Be clear on what your actions  will be. A fair warning is always well received and then your  authority should not be questioned when you have to act.

All adults need to work together. Parents need to support  other adults in authority. Communication between parents and  those surrogate parents is important. Be respectful. Respect  kids by using appropriate language yourself. Respect them as a  person even if they don’t deserve it. Be calm but firm.  Isolate the offender by your action. And if we all do this  together, perhaps we will squash the rudeness epidemic and raise  respectable children.

Single Parenting: The Toughest Job There Is

Last month my wife went away to Mexico to volunteer for one month. That meant that for that month I was a  single parent. I knew it would be a challenge. I set  goals for myself. I was proud to get through the month  achieving some of them. I put good meals on the table. My  three kids got to school on time everyday with homework  completed. And I yelled at the kids only once the whole  month. My kids were great. They certainly rose to the  occasion. Of course, we all knew it would only be for one  month.

Having that experience certainly doesn’t give me rights to  fully understand what it is like for single parents on a  daily basis. I know some of their challenges but I also  know that they are in it for a longer haul. With that  background however, I felt comfortable talking to some of  my single parent friends about what it is like to be single  parents and what advice they would share with others.

I was first made aware that single parenting is not a  single entity. Here are parents who become single parents  through divorce. Some never have another spouse involved.  Some become single parents through deaths in the family and  still others are forced to be single parents for extended  periods, as our military families are experiencing now.  So the first lesson is that everyone’s circumstance is  different and their circumstance can be difficult or not  depending on the parent left raising the children. It is  easy for those of us outside to make assumptions.

Nevertheless, there are areas of common ground for parents  raising children solo. No matter what the circumstance  is, single parents need to remain strong. Children  need a strong presence at home whatever loss a family  has suffered; children need guidance and strength to  overcome it. Children need their parent to be strong yet  compassionate. This is what helps them move on.

To be strong, a parent needs to come to a place of self  respect. All parents are people of value who have a  key role in their children’s lives. Finding that part  of you that you value and take pride in helps you to be  a better person to serve as a model for your children.  It also helps you to have a good foundation for loving  relationships. Those loving relationships with your  family, friends and children are most important for raising  children alone.

Single parents need a network of supporting relationships  to help in times of need. There will be plenty of times  that you need help or just need a well deserved break.  Developing a supportive network of grandparents or friends  will always help you in the long run.

Try to educate yourself as to the history and struggle of  single parents. Many famous people, including a former  President of the United States were raised by single  parents. Finding mentors who know and understand your  struggles is of great benefit to you.

Remember that your children were made by two people and are  made up of 50% you and 50% of your former mate. War of  words between you and the other parent doesn’t help your  children. Even when your children bring back antagonistic  themes, try to stay above the fray. Remind your kids that  you can only be in charge of one house, not two. What is  said and done in another house is not up to you and needs  not be emphasized. And remember if your kids return from  anyone else’s care back to your care, you can expect some  “payback time” behavior. That is especially true if they  are returning from your ex’s house.

Psychologist Anthony Wolf, PHD wrote a book called “Why Did  You Have to Get a Divorce and When Can I Get a Hamster”.  In the book he talks a lot about single parenting. He  says that “your influence on the ultimate welfare of your  children is all about what happens when they are with you.  If you are good and loving during that time, if you are  someone whom they can consistently count on, then . . .  you have done the single most important thing that any  parent can do for his or her children.” That is a perfect  summary of the hardest job there is on this earth – single  parenting. I had only a taste of it for one month. If  I had to do it longer, I think I could find the strength.  But I am just lucky that my times of single parenting  are short. To all those who have longer times of single  parenting, I wish you good health, personal strength,  adequate support and good loving relationships always.

Showing Affection

Positive affection helps support children!

Upon returning from a recent trip to a Honduran  Orphanage, I was struck by a contrast in our culture and  the one I see at the orphanage. What I experience at the  orphanage is an abundance of affection. These children who  have lost their precious parents are able to touch each  other and others warmly. They freely demonstrate their  care for one another in acceptable physical ways. They  hold hands, wrap arms around each other, and embrace in  asexual, pleasant and comfortable ways. I enjoyed this  affection immensely.

I remember one particularly interesting incident at  the orphanage. I had finished seeing patients at the  clinic. As I wrote up my charts some children snuck up  behind me just so they could pat my bald head. The  Honduran children enjoyed touching and patting my head  since they don’t see many bald men in their country. It  wasn’t offensive on their part. It was cute and  affectionate. They loved to see me laugh and respond to  their touch of my shiny top.

When I came back to the Boston area, I missed the  affection those kids gave me. I don’t need kids patting my  scalp. But I wonder whether we are being taught to fear  affection. In our culture there is a flood of negative  news and information about inappropriate forms of physical  touch. We are warned about sexual harassment in the  workplace. We worry about sexual predators in our  neighborhoods. Court cases about the church abuse scandal  lead our headlines. Does this culture lead us to decrease  displays of affection? Are we becoming so afraid that  demonstrating affection is negative?

Let’s be clear that there are appropriate ways to show  affection and inappropriate ways that take advantage of  people. They should never be confused for one another.  But nor should we decrease one because of fear of the  other. Our children need signs of affection.

Affection is helpful to children. The children in the  orphanage in Honduras feed off of it. They feel affirmed  and important. Affection is a form of praise. It makes  children feel good. It makes them feel loved. It builds  their egos. You can see it and feel it with the children  at the orphanage. They do thrive because of it.

Our children likewise need to feel appreciated through  affection. They need to feel their parents’ touch. Hugs,  kisses, and pats on the back make children feel their  value. With appropriate affection children sense warmth  and protection. We cannot afford to let negative news  create too much fear that we shy away from giving our  children this valuable commodity. We shouldn’t have to be  reminded to hug our children daily. Perhaps that love  shown at home will spread to the community at large as well.

Why Limit “Giving” to a Season?

We call the holiday season the “Season of Giving”.  Certainly Americans give more to charities during this  season than any other time of the year. Yet, I feel  troubled about this “season” due to the perceptions we  leave with our children. We start the fall with Halloween  where children receive tons of candy simply by walking up  to a neighbor’s house in a funny costume. On the next day  in school kids ask each other, “How much candy did you  get?” We follow that holiday with Thanksgiving where we  give “thanks” by eating until we are full and sleepy.  Certainly this is a wonderful family holiday. But let’s  face it, the giving of thanks and appreciation is often  hidden behind the questions about how good the meal was.  And finally, we finish the holiday season with Christmas.  We all have wonderful memories of Christmas. Yet, parents  lament afterwards about the amount of gifts their children  received. When do we teach our children about giving rather  than receiving and why should it be limited to a season?

It is my opinion that we need to stop squeezing in  this lesson. This lesson of giving of oneself, some money  or effort to a good cause should be a year round lesson in  all families. In this “Season of Giving”, perhaps it is time  to start participating in yearlong projects of giving. The  biggest stumbling block is where to start. Here are a few  suggestions.

The first thing parents need to do is get information  about an area where you may want your family to make an  effort. Your children will not be able to decide on efforts  for the family although they may have certain interests. If  they are interested in animals perhaps volunteering at an  animal shelter would be worth your time. However, for most  families, the choice of your giving effort is the parent’s  responsibility. This is an opportunity to teach your  children where you have values and where you want to expend  your efforts.

Kids won’t want to instantaneously start in a project  of giving. Your family will need to process this into your  normal family life. Once you’ve chosen an area of concern  (i.e. hunger) find out about that issue in your area.  Perhaps, there is a food pantry in your area! Then provide  your children information about that issue and talk about  how you can help.

Parents should start working on the concern by  themselves. Let the children know why you are interested  in the work. Be clear about what you are doing – no matter  how small. Continue your commitment all year and be clear  to your kids that you have a long term commitment to help.

After some time ask your kids to join you with your  commitment – even in small ways. It’s hard to force it on  them. At some point with enough exposure to your effort,  they may want to join in. By all means let them. If  interest doesn’t develop with exposure to your area of  concern, be clear about your reasons and ask them to play a  role.

In the book, Parenting for Peace and Justice by Kathleen  and James McGinnis, the authors talk about the “two feet”  of Christian Service. On the one foot there are acts for  social change. These are works of justice. Included in  this are actions such as helping to organize a good co-op,  educating the public on social needs, and even inspiring  people to get out and vote. The other foot of service  is direct service. These are works of mercy that include  direct volunteer work such as working in food and clothing  centers, visiting with the elderly, tutoring children  or contributing to known worthy causes. These are some  categories where families can contribute their time and  efforts. And there are many more.

How can families get off the dime? Families need to  start somewhere. Besides the local food pantry, schools  need people to help tutor and read to children. You can  contact your town’s Senior Services to help with the  elderly. Many older people need help getting groceries or  need a ride to their doctor. If you want a more worldly  area to contribute, sponsor a child at the orphanage in  a foreign country. I work with an orphanage in Honduras.  Check their website at www.nphhonduras.org. Your family  can sponsor a child and receive letters and photos  from that child regularly. Look into other world wide  organizations such as OXFAM, Doctors Without Borders, or  Habitat for Humanity. No matter where your efforts take  you, make sure your kids know what you’re doing, where you  are helping and why.

Even in small ways, families working together can help  develop a society of givers. You will be surprised how your  yearlong efforts will improve your holidays, your spirit  and your family life. Happy Holidays!

Our Role As Fathers Has Changed – Have We?

There is little to contend with the statement that our role as fathers has changed. A generation ago we sat outside the delivery room awaiting news of our child’s birth. Today we are involved from  the start. As children grow we are involved in getting them to and from school, and often caring for  our kids during our “shift” at home. I often wonder whether we had the right role models for our job  today? Where did we learn to be fathers? Perhaps we had good teachers but more than likely our  fathers parented differently than we do today. It may be interesting to reflect on your role models in  parenting, your personal nature as a man and how these relate to your parenting.

First think about your parents and what you learned about parenting. Many fathers in the past  parented in an authoritative – because I said so – manner. We often feared our father. Perhaps a threat  of physical punishment was always there. That manner of parenting is out for many reasons involving  abuse and fear. Today, a more sensitive, and understanding manner of parenting is in. It involves  more listening and measured responses.

This manner of parenting may not fit with the stereotypical male. Men often think of  themselves as “fixers”, problem solvers, who are so in control we don’t need directions. We can figure  out the solutions! We like to be spontaneous and love to play. We may not be the most organized but  who needs organization – that is like asking for directions in normal life.

This nature of man (and I realize that it is not all men) may run counter to the needs in fathering  today. Because organization isn’t natural to us and spontaneity is important we may be put into more  of a reactive mode when caring for our kids. We may not understand everything our kids will throw at  us. As a result, when our kids act out, instead of being measured in our response we may fall back into  an authoritative, controlling mode that we were taught when we grew up. Does this summarize your  nature and parenting style? Is it working? What is your nature and style? Have you thought about  how it works in your family? With your kids?

As fathers today we need to think about how our responses affect home situations. Do our  reactions contribute to solutions or make situations worse? Today, in a non authoritative world of  parenting, it is our responses to situations that affects how our children respond. It takes a while but  over time in fatherhood you too, may recognize that strong reactions often make situations worse. As  you escalate your tone, our children escalate theirs. Or if you are too strong, they act subdued and  learn to work around you to avoid your responses. If you are functioning this way, you are parenting  by using fear. This leads to dysfunctional relationships. How can a father change and make things better?

First, you may be mister fix it at home but don’t try to fix your child’s behavior or their emotion.

When your kids bring up their issues at school or home don’t solve their problems. Respect  them enough to coach them about how to solve their own problems as much as possible.

Work with your spouse to set appropriate limits. This takes discussion, listening, understanding  and planning. You do not own the solutions to all problems. A better understanding can lead to more  appropriate solutions.

Praise your kids whenever you can. Praise from a father is a powerful influence on children.  Use this tool and you will gain respect in your children’s eyes.

Correct your children when you need to but don’t berate them. Don’t be overly critical.  Children are fragile and don’t need to be humiliated. Make your correction and leave it be. You don’t  need to make your kids understand all the points you would like to make. They will understand your  reasoning over time.

Learn to be a listener. It is not our nature. But we learn to be better fathers if we listen, involve  others and not jump to quick fixes.

Recognize that you will make mistakes. It is O.K. to admit them and even apologize for them.  Your kids and spouse will respect you more if you are mature enough to do this.

This is a tall order. But by taking these lessons to heart, a man will be in a better position to be  a good father in today’s parenting environment.

Raising A Wonderful Child

Much of the parenting advice that comes from  pediatricians and psychologists is directed towards fixing  negative behaviors. But what about those parents who have  a wonderful child. They do exist. Those kids are self  motivated, do well in school and rarely need correction.  Those parents deserve advice too. Wonderful children are a  blessing but they need their parents’ guidance too.

There are challenges in raising wonderful children. It is easy to become complacent about them while  we are busy with other concerns. They are usually self  sufficient so it is easy to forget about them. You still  have responsibility in raising your wonderfully easy child.

When a friend pays a compliment about them, make sure they hear it. It is their compliment not yours. Don’t  over correct them just to keep them from being “too big for  their britches”. Wonderful children take little corrections  to heart. You can trust in the fact that they want to  please.

Instead, challenge your achiever. Show them the struggles we face in our society and our world. You  shouldn’t let them grow up believing everything will come  easy to them. There are always more things to achieve for  children, adolescents and adults.

Work towards continuous improvement in yourself. Our achieving youth need good role models and that starts  at home. If they see you working to improve yourself, they  will see value in improving themselves.

Many good people have gone before us. Read to them or  have them read about great people and their achievements.  They need idols like Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson  Mandela, Anne Sullivan and Mother Theresa.

Pose questions to them; let them come up with  solutions. This keeps them thinking and develops their  creativity. Show them ways to contribute through  volunteering. Let them come up with ways to help out  others. Our wonderful children may be able to make our  world better in the future if they are made aware of  challenges we face today.

Expand their skills. Have your young wonder child try  things that don’t come easy – a musical instrument or a  team sport. Some great kids take the easy route by staying  in their comfort zone. But with new challenges, new skills  may be discovered.

Whatever you do with your wonderful child, don’t take  them for granted. Praise them. Show them you are proud of  them. Recognize their skills and talents. Let them hear  you brag about them even if they moan “oh mom”. They need  to know how you feel about them and that you value who they  are. Through your appreciation of them they will learn how  to appreciate themselves and others.

Wonderful children are easy. They are blessings. But  we need to remember they need parenting as well.

Positive Influences Help Us Parent Our Teens

When I do workshops for parents of teenagers I see many shaking heads when I say, “it is a  tough time to be a teenager!” Everyone in the audience recognizes this statement as fact. Few adults  can picture growing up as a teen now. School demands are higher. It is harder to get into college.  College costs add a burden. A high school diploma doesn’t help your career very much. And now,  with the economic crisis, the future looks tougher still. There is only one thing tougher than being a  teenager, and that is being a parent of one!

Teens are exposed to so much so early that they seem to be growing up too fast. The media’s  influence on our teens has never been greater. Movies and TV shows push our teens to be older than  they are. We know the risks that they may encounter but it seems that they do not. We worry for them.  And the freedoms that they demand from us so early make it difficult for us to stay in control. How are  we to parent our teens today? Where else can we turn?

We need to give our kids freedom but it should be a chaperoned freedom. We, the parents do much  of the chaperoning. There is no way around conceding control to other chaperones in the care of  our teens. Teachers, coaches, dance instructors, and other parent surrogates take on our roles as  leaders for our children. This is obvious but when put in this context it sounds scary. As parents, we  don’t want to give up this role to others. Yet, it is not only part of the natural process of separation but  important for our kids to be influenced by outside forces. How could this be?

Our teens go through a period of questioning everything you, their parents, stand for. They  learned your values and your rules for more than twelve years. Teen years is a time for questioning  and, yes, experimentation. Teens try things on for themselves and don’t necessarily do this with  parental consent! Here is where outside influences come in.

Many years ago there was a study that showed that teens that succeeded were often inspired  by an “influential adult”. This was an adult outside the teen’s family that helped to inspire that teen to  achieve something because of the relationship he or she had with that teen. That adult often saw a  skill or a talent in that teen that just needed a little push. That influential adult could be a history  teacher, a baseball coach, or a ballet instructor. This influence helps build a foundation of ego and  confidence in that teenager. It is incredibly powerful for a teen to be recognized by someone other  than a biased parent. No matter what skill was inspired or what adult inspired it, the fact that the teen  was influenced well by someone outside the family is the point. It takes some swallowing of pride for  parents to accept this but it is necessary to realize that it very well may take a village to raise your  teen. Sometimes effective parenting is finding the right supports for your children.

In a recent meeting at Sandra Marie’s School of Ballet, I stated that the school was an  important influence on our young girls and the young men who are lucky enough to belong to this  supportive group of teachers. If you think about the negative influences our kids face, it is scary.  Think about our kids who dance and what their young lives would have been like if they did not have  an avenue to pursue their joy of dance in such a supportive environment. I have seen many young  girls over our eleven years at the studio grow to be mature and secure young women. Sandra Marie’s  leadership had an influence in developing these young people. This is a fact that can’t be denied.  Now, the studio wants to support parents even further. They are sponsoring a parenting workshop for  parents of teenagers.

The workshop is “You Can’t Fix Them So How Can You Live With Them- Parenting teens  today”. This is a workshop I have been giving across the North Shore for many years. I hope you can  join us on ____________________ at ___________________. The workshop will also serve as a  fundraiser for Northeast Youth Ballet. NYB is a nonprofit organization dedicated to bringing quality  ballet to our youth.

Parents Role In Reading

There has been a growth of programs to increase reading. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a program  to increase reading at home. Libraries have always  emphasized reading. Radio programs are plugging reading  programs. A recent study showed that when adults have  books at home the more literate the household becomes. It  has been suggested that Pediatricians ask mothers during  office visits “How many books do you have at home?” as part  of an effort to increase reading. Certainly, reading is  important. But why all the effort to increase reading?

Some troubling statistics answer the question. Today  many college graduates in America cannot read and write  well. Many high school graduates fail reading and writing.  Americans, in general, are reading less. Book sales in the  U.S. have decreased. Books are losing to computers and  T.V. and as a result 30 percent of our high schoolers are  dropping out nationwide. It is a shame that it has to be  emphasized anew. Many years ago it was assumed that  Americans had high literacy and high education levels. But  today we are dropping. This is a cause for every parent to  take up. What can parents do?

Reading must be a factor in your parenting today.  Children need to see books. They need to hear words. They  need to see parents reading. It doesn’t have to be a chore.  Parents do not need to tediously teach their kids to read.  That is a role for teachers and schools. And not all  children learn to read at the same rate. Don’t panic if  you have a late reader. But kids need to see the  importance of books and reading everyday in their home.

Books on tape are a great alternative. It allows  children to use more imagination than videos. They can  play or draw while listening. During a long drive, books  on tape make the ride shorter. If the book isn’t over they  may not want the ride to end.

Keep reading and listening. Take trips to the  library. Use libraries as a resource for books for your  child. Always read a little above your child’s level so  they yearn to read bigger more interesting books. If you are worried about your child’s reading, talk to  your school. There is always extra help available. But  don’t give up at home – keep reading.

Lessons from books are in no short supply. From Greek  myths, to comedies, to English literature, our kids learn  more than words. Life’s lessons are taught through the  experience of centuries. Exposure to books is valuable to  kids and to families – for the lessons and the togetherness  they provide. But in the long run, reading provides an  added value to your child’s education that cannot be  provided in any other way then in their homes.