You have put your rules on the refrigerator about  fighting. You have clearly explained them to your kids.  Yet, every morning the fights begin over again. “I want  the blue cup.” You give the blue cup to one child and say  it is his turn. Yet, the fight continues. You sternly  insist that the blue cup is in its rightful place. But  bickering continues over the plates, food, and everything  else through breakfast. You continue through breakfast  settling every argument from who gets the Winnie the Pooh  plate to who has more Coco Puffs. By the time breakfast is  over you are ready to ship your kids out for good. What  can you do to stop the constant bickering between your kids?

The most important concept regarding conflict between  your kids is that your kids want you to be involved. They  want you to settle their arguments for them whether it is  in their favor or not. They just want you to be involved  because it is a way for them to control you. Let’s watch  mom lose it while we bicker. Isn’t it a wonder what power  and control we have over her!

Therefore, the key in ending bickering is decreasing  your involvement in their conflicts. You cannot get  involved verbally or emotionally. Even if kids get an  emotional rise out of you they win. Minimize your words.  Try not to correct them verbally over bickering; they will  always have an answer. Remember; DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN  THEIR FIGHT.

Certainly you need to start with the rules. No  hitting. No biting. No throwing things. No being too  loud. Post these on your refrigerator and add your own.  Just remember, only correct for what you witness.  Otherwise you will be the arbiter of a hundred fights  starting with “he bit me; no I didn’t!” You cannot be sure  who is right unless you witness the offense.

Here are rules for parents to follow regarding their  bickering children. Stay uninvolved. Minimize your words.

If you believe that your kids fight to cause trouble  for you, you may be right. It might mean it is time for  you to step back and out of the conflict. A great book for  parents is Siblings without Rivalry. It may help a parent  gain a perspective on why kids fight and how parents can  learn to respond or not.