Category Archives: Cultural Influences

Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips

Single Parenting: The Toughest Job There Is

Last month my wife went away to Mexico to volunteer for one month. That meant that for that month I was a  single parent. I knew it would be a challenge. I set  goals for myself. I was proud to get through the month  achieving some of them. I put good meals on the table. My  three kids got to school on time everyday with homework  completed. And I yelled at the kids only once the whole  month. My kids were great. They certainly rose to the  occasion. Of course, we all knew it would only be for one  month.

Having that experience certainly doesn’t give me rights to  fully understand what it is like for single parents on a  daily basis. I know some of their challenges but I also  know that they are in it for a longer haul. With that  background however, I felt comfortable talking to some of  my single parent friends about what it is like to be single  parents and what advice they would share with others.

I was first made aware that single parenting is not a  single entity. Here are parents who become single parents  through divorce. Some never have another spouse involved.  Some become single parents through deaths in the family and  still others are forced to be single parents for extended  periods, as our military families are experiencing now.  So the first lesson is that everyone’s circumstance is  different and their circumstance can be difficult or not  depending on the parent left raising the children. It is  easy for those of us outside to make assumptions.

Nevertheless, there are areas of common ground for parents  raising children solo. No matter what the circumstance  is, single parents need to remain strong. Children  need a strong presence at home whatever loss a family  has suffered; children need guidance and strength to  overcome it. Children need their parent to be strong yet  compassionate. This is what helps them move on.

To be strong, a parent needs to come to a place of self  respect. All parents are people of value who have a  key role in their children’s lives. Finding that part  of you that you value and take pride in helps you to be  a better person to serve as a model for your children.  It also helps you to have a good foundation for loving  relationships. Those loving relationships with your  family, friends and children are most important for raising  children alone.

Single parents need a network of supporting relationships  to help in times of need. There will be plenty of times  that you need help or just need a well deserved break.  Developing a supportive network of grandparents or friends  will always help you in the long run.

Try to educate yourself as to the history and struggle of  single parents. Many famous people, including a former  President of the United States were raised by single  parents. Finding mentors who know and understand your  struggles is of great benefit to you.

Remember that your children were made by two people and are  made up of 50% you and 50% of your former mate. War of  words between you and the other parent doesn’t help your  children. Even when your children bring back antagonistic  themes, try to stay above the fray. Remind your kids that  you can only be in charge of one house, not two. What is  said and done in another house is not up to you and needs  not be emphasized. And remember if your kids return from  anyone else’s care back to your care, you can expect some  “payback time” behavior. That is especially true if they  are returning from your ex’s house.

Psychologist Anthony Wolf, PHD wrote a book called “Why Did  You Have to Get a Divorce and When Can I Get a Hamster”.  In the book he talks a lot about single parenting. He  says that “your influence on the ultimate welfare of your  children is all about what happens when they are with you.  If you are good and loving during that time, if you are  someone whom they can consistently count on, then . . .  you have done the single most important thing that any  parent can do for his or her children.” That is a perfect  summary of the hardest job there is on this earth – single  parenting. I had only a taste of it for one month. If  I had to do it longer, I think I could find the strength.  But I am just lucky that my times of single parenting  are short. To all those who have longer times of single  parenting, I wish you good health, personal strength,  adequate support and good loving relationships always.

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips

Showing Affection

Positive affection helps support children!

Upon returning from a recent trip to a Honduran  Orphanage, I was struck by a contrast in our culture and  the one I see at the orphanage. What I experience at the  orphanage is an abundance of affection. These children who  have lost their precious parents are able to touch each  other and others warmly. They freely demonstrate their  care for one another in acceptable physical ways. They  hold hands, wrap arms around each other, and embrace in  asexual, pleasant and comfortable ways. I enjoyed this  affection immensely.

I remember one particularly interesting incident at  the orphanage. I had finished seeing patients at the  clinic. As I wrote up my charts some children snuck up  behind me just so they could pat my bald head. The  Honduran children enjoyed touching and patting my head  since they don’t see many bald men in their country. It  wasn’t offensive on their part. It was cute and  affectionate. They loved to see me laugh and respond to  their touch of my shiny top.

When I came back to the Boston area, I missed the  affection those kids gave me. I don’t need kids patting my  scalp. But I wonder whether we are being taught to fear  affection. In our culture there is a flood of negative  news and information about inappropriate forms of physical  touch. We are warned about sexual harassment in the  workplace. We worry about sexual predators in our  neighborhoods. Court cases about the church abuse scandal  lead our headlines. Does this culture lead us to decrease  displays of affection? Are we becoming so afraid that  demonstrating affection is negative?

Let’s be clear that there are appropriate ways to show  affection and inappropriate ways that take advantage of  people. They should never be confused for one another.  But nor should we decrease one because of fear of the  other. Our children need signs of affection.

Affection is helpful to children. The children in the  orphanage in Honduras feed off of it. They feel affirmed  and important. Affection is a form of praise. It makes  children feel good. It makes them feel loved. It builds  their egos. You can see it and feel it with the children  at the orphanage. They do thrive because of it.

Our children likewise need to feel appreciated through  affection. They need to feel their parents’ touch. Hugs,  kisses, and pats on the back make children feel their  value. With appropriate affection children sense warmth  and protection. We cannot afford to let negative news  create too much fear that we shy away from giving our  children this valuable commodity. We shouldn’t have to be  reminded to hug our children daily. Perhaps that love  shown at home will spread to the community at large as well.

Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Values and Morals

Why Limit “Giving” to a Season?

We call the holiday season the “Season of Giving”.  Certainly Americans give more to charities during this  season than any other time of the year. Yet, I feel  troubled about this “season” due to the perceptions we  leave with our children. We start the fall with Halloween  where children receive tons of candy simply by walking up  to a neighbor’s house in a funny costume. On the next day  in school kids ask each other, “How much candy did you  get?” We follow that holiday with Thanksgiving where we  give “thanks” by eating until we are full and sleepy.  Certainly this is a wonderful family holiday. But let’s  face it, the giving of thanks and appreciation is often  hidden behind the questions about how good the meal was.  And finally, we finish the holiday season with Christmas.  We all have wonderful memories of Christmas. Yet, parents  lament afterwards about the amount of gifts their children  received. When do we teach our children about giving rather  than receiving and why should it be limited to a season?

It is my opinion that we need to stop squeezing in  this lesson. This lesson of giving of oneself, some money  or effort to a good cause should be a year round lesson in  all families. In this “Season of Giving”, perhaps it is time  to start participating in yearlong projects of giving. The  biggest stumbling block is where to start. Here are a few  suggestions.

The first thing parents need to do is get information  about an area where you may want your family to make an  effort. Your children will not be able to decide on efforts  for the family although they may have certain interests. If  they are interested in animals perhaps volunteering at an  animal shelter would be worth your time. However, for most  families, the choice of your giving effort is the parent’s  responsibility. This is an opportunity to teach your  children where you have values and where you want to expend  your efforts.

Kids won’t want to instantaneously start in a project  of giving. Your family will need to process this into your  normal family life. Once you’ve chosen an area of concern  (i.e. hunger) find out about that issue in your area.  Perhaps, there is a food pantry in your area! Then provide  your children information about that issue and talk about  how you can help.

Parents should start working on the concern by  themselves. Let the children know why you are interested  in the work. Be clear about what you are doing – no matter  how small. Continue your commitment all year and be clear  to your kids that you have a long term commitment to help.

After some time ask your kids to join you with your  commitment – even in small ways. It’s hard to force it on  them. At some point with enough exposure to your effort,  they may want to join in. By all means let them. If  interest doesn’t develop with exposure to your area of  concern, be clear about your reasons and ask them to play a  role.

In the book, Parenting for Peace and Justice by Kathleen  and James McGinnis, the authors talk about the “two feet”  of Christian Service. On the one foot there are acts for  social change. These are works of justice. Included in  this are actions such as helping to organize a good co-op,  educating the public on social needs, and even inspiring  people to get out and vote. The other foot of service  is direct service. These are works of mercy that include  direct volunteer work such as working in food and clothing  centers, visiting with the elderly, tutoring children  or contributing to known worthy causes. These are some  categories where families can contribute their time and  efforts. And there are many more.

How can families get off the dime? Families need to  start somewhere. Besides the local food pantry, schools  need people to help tutor and read to children. You can  contact your town’s Senior Services to help with the  elderly. Many older people need help getting groceries or  need a ride to their doctor. If you want a more worldly  area to contribute, sponsor a child at the orphanage in  a foreign country. I work with an orphanage in Honduras.  Check their website at www.nphhonduras.org. Your family  can sponsor a child and receive letters and photos  from that child regularly. Look into other world wide  organizations such as OXFAM, Doctors Without Borders, or  Habitat for Humanity. No matter where your efforts take  you, make sure your kids know what you’re doing, where you  are helping and why.

Even in small ways, families working together can help  develop a society of givers. You will be surprised how your  yearlong efforts will improve your holidays, your spirit  and your family life. Happy Holidays!

Community, Cultural Influences, Parenting Tips

Questions & Answers

What are the most significant challenges facing our medical  system?

I see a lot of effort going towards getting the  uninsured insured. That is not our greatest challenge. We  will continue to have more uninsured until we control  costs. Pharmaceutical companies, high tech medicine and  malpractice threats are draining the medical dollars. As  those dollars drain, primary care doctors are being nickel  and dimed and are forced to see higher volumes of patients.

Example:

One example of hidden costs is the pervasive attitude  amongst physicians that they need to cover their backs  against lawsuits. The threat of lawsuits is so high that  all medical graduates today will be sued sometime in their  career. So doctors order more tests, x-rays, CAT scans,  and MRI’s on a daily basis just to protect themselves  against lawsuits. This increases our health care costs  more than any other factor – yet it is barely known or  talked about.

Share with us one of your favorite stories from your book.

This is a hard question since all the stories are my  favorites. Apteral that’s why they’re in the book! The  one I enjoy telling the most is about the baby with  meningitis in the chapter “Miracles”. The baby had the  worst case of meningitis I ever saw. We thought the baby  was not going to make it. After the recovery the mother  gave me a sign that says “Expect a Miracle”. I still have  it on my desk at work 25 years later.

Please provide a brief description about the day in the  life of a pediatrician.

One of the chapters goes through a day in my life at  work. I wanted readers to get a sense of what it was like  for me as a person to go from one intense personal  interaction to another all day long. I don’t think people  realize how many family issues we face in a day. Even as I  wrote it and then read it I was impressed with how  personally dedicated we have to be in medicine.

How has the profession changed over the years?

We have made tremendous advances in my 25 years in  practice life. Today in the U.S. we rarely see a child  with meningitis due to the shots we give. However, our  practice life has deteriorated. I find few doctors happy  in practice. Patients aren’t satisfied with the complex  medical system we have. Some people are making large sums  of money from a system nobody is happy with. It is harder  to keep a human touch in our medical system as it stands  today.

In your opinion, what do patients and families need most  from their pediatricians?

Parents need someone who they can connect with easily  and who is available to them when they need.

When looking for a pediatrician for their children, what  should parents consider?

Parents need to look for a real connection with their  pediatrician. He or she has to be someone they can trust.  They need someone who will listen and care even about the  silliest questions. They need to feel that their  pediatrician is there for them and not rushed. That is a  tall order for a pediatrician today.

Who should read this book?

I think my book should be read by parents first and  foremost. I think they will gain a better understanding of  what a pediatrician does. But I believe my book has a wide  reach. Pre med college students, medical students, young  doctors and nurses – really anyone in medicine should read  my book. Anyone who goes to the doctor in our system  should read it too. It is easy to read. I know it will  make people laugh, and make some cry but it will make them  think about our health care system and how it needs to  change.

Behavior, Cultural Influences, Teen

Providing A Good Base Parenting Teens Part II

To parent teens well, we must start with a good base. Remember, teens rebel. They question. They explore. But by  late teen years they often return to the moral base their family  gave them. That moral base is what we give kids in their first  twelve years. How do we give them that base?

As kids grow we battle them over many issues. Can they  have a sleepover? Are the other parents aware? Will they be  home? That seems like a simple scenario. But as a parent you  know there are many scenarios like that one where we have to  face our children and make decisions for them. In all these  battles and decisions there are lessons. How much freedom do we  allow? How much trust has our child earned? How much respect  do we have for them? These questions are answered in our  decisions. And kids learn to earn respect and trust over time.

Many times kids need corrections for breaking rules and  breaking truth. Consequences need to be carried out so kids  learn limits. It is normal to have these events. We just need  to face them appropriately and justly.

Through these everyday decisions our kids learn about right  and wrong, and about what is safe and unsafe. This gives  children a basic morality that serves as their base for entering  the stormy teen years.

Parents need to set rules, have consequences, and say “no”  to their kids freewheeling desires. Many parents feel guilty  about setting limits. “Well, it seems like I am the only parent  worried about allowing this.” Rest assured. You are not.

Rules and limits show children we care about them. We want  them safe. We care about their health. We are trying to  protect them. Even if kids don’t like it, they at least  appreciate that you care.

One other important piece about providing a base for kids  for their teen years, parents need to recognize their children  for their skills and accomplishments. This recognition gives a  child a sense of what they are good at. Parents must recognize  and praise their children’s true skills. Combine this sense of  accomplishment and skill with ideas of safety and right and  wrong, and you have a child who has a solid base to start his  teen experiment.

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Teen

Positive Influences Help Us Parent Our Teens

When I do workshops for parents of teenagers I see many shaking heads when I say, “it is a  tough time to be a teenager!” Everyone in the audience recognizes this statement as fact. Few adults  can picture growing up as a teen now. School demands are higher. It is harder to get into college.  College costs add a burden. A high school diploma doesn’t help your career very much. And now,  with the economic crisis, the future looks tougher still. There is only one thing tougher than being a  teenager, and that is being a parent of one!

Teens are exposed to so much so early that they seem to be growing up too fast. The media’s  influence on our teens has never been greater. Movies and TV shows push our teens to be older than  they are. We know the risks that they may encounter but it seems that they do not. We worry for them.  And the freedoms that they demand from us so early make it difficult for us to stay in control. How are  we to parent our teens today? Where else can we turn?

We need to give our kids freedom but it should be a chaperoned freedom. We, the parents do much  of the chaperoning. There is no way around conceding control to other chaperones in the care of  our teens. Teachers, coaches, dance instructors, and other parent surrogates take on our roles as  leaders for our children. This is obvious but when put in this context it sounds scary. As parents, we  don’t want to give up this role to others. Yet, it is not only part of the natural process of separation but  important for our kids to be influenced by outside forces. How could this be?

Our teens go through a period of questioning everything you, their parents, stand for. They  learned your values and your rules for more than twelve years. Teen years is a time for questioning  and, yes, experimentation. Teens try things on for themselves and don’t necessarily do this with  parental consent! Here is where outside influences come in.

Many years ago there was a study that showed that teens that succeeded were often inspired  by an “influential adult”. This was an adult outside the teen’s family that helped to inspire that teen to  achieve something because of the relationship he or she had with that teen. That adult often saw a  skill or a talent in that teen that just needed a little push. That influential adult could be a history  teacher, a baseball coach, or a ballet instructor. This influence helps build a foundation of ego and  confidence in that teenager. It is incredibly powerful for a teen to be recognized by someone other  than a biased parent. No matter what skill was inspired or what adult inspired it, the fact that the teen  was influenced well by someone outside the family is the point. It takes some swallowing of pride for  parents to accept this but it is necessary to realize that it very well may take a village to raise your  teen. Sometimes effective parenting is finding the right supports for your children.

In a recent meeting at Sandra Marie’s School of Ballet, I stated that the school was an  important influence on our young girls and the young men who are lucky enough to belong to this  supportive group of teachers. If you think about the negative influences our kids face, it is scary.  Think about our kids who dance and what their young lives would have been like if they did not have  an avenue to pursue their joy of dance in such a supportive environment. I have seen many young  girls over our eleven years at the studio grow to be mature and secure young women. Sandra Marie’s  leadership had an influence in developing these young people. This is a fact that can’t be denied.  Now, the studio wants to support parents even further. They are sponsoring a parenting workshop for  parents of teenagers.

The workshop is “You Can’t Fix Them So How Can You Live With Them- Parenting teens  today”. This is a workshop I have been giving across the North Shore for many years. I hope you can  join us on ____________________ at ___________________. The workshop will also serve as a  fundraiser for Northeast Youth Ballet. NYB is a nonprofit organization dedicated to bringing quality  ballet to our youth.

Baby, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Infant, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Toddler

Parents Role In Reading

There has been a growth of programs to increase reading. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a program  to increase reading at home. Libraries have always  emphasized reading. Radio programs are plugging reading  programs. A recent study showed that when adults have  books at home the more literate the household becomes. It  has been suggested that Pediatricians ask mothers during  office visits “How many books do you have at home?” as part  of an effort to increase reading. Certainly, reading is  important. But why all the effort to increase reading?

Some troubling statistics answer the question. Today  many college graduates in America cannot read and write  well. Many high school graduates fail reading and writing.  Americans, in general, are reading less. Book sales in the  U.S. have decreased. Books are losing to computers and  T.V. and as a result 30 percent of our high schoolers are  dropping out nationwide. It is a shame that it has to be  emphasized anew. Many years ago it was assumed that  Americans had high literacy and high education levels. But  today we are dropping. This is a cause for every parent to  take up. What can parents do?

Reading must be a factor in your parenting today.  Children need to see books. They need to hear words. They  need to see parents reading. It doesn’t have to be a chore.  Parents do not need to tediously teach their kids to read.  That is a role for teachers and schools. And not all  children learn to read at the same rate. Don’t panic if  you have a late reader. But kids need to see the  importance of books and reading everyday in their home.

Books on tape are a great alternative. It allows  children to use more imagination than videos. They can  play or draw while listening. During a long drive, books  on tape make the ride shorter. If the book isn’t over they  may not want the ride to end.

Keep reading and listening. Take trips to the  library. Use libraries as a resource for books for your  child. Always read a little above your child’s level so  they yearn to read bigger more interesting books. If you are worried about your child’s reading, talk to  your school. There is always extra help available. But  don’t give up at home – keep reading.

Lessons from books are in no short supply. From Greek  myths, to comedies, to English literature, our kids learn  more than words. Life’s lessons are taught through the  experience of centuries. Exposure to books is valuable to  kids and to families – for the lessons and the togetherness  they provide. But in the long run, reading provides an  added value to your child’s education that cannot be  provided in any other way then in their homes.

Behavior, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Parenting For A Better Community

Can you picture a community where parents have babysitting cooperatives? Or communities where businesses  give a “penny-a-purchase” to the community for child care  for those in need? Or a summer program where teens can  “hang out” and be available for odd jobs in the community?  Or where volunteers help tutor students? How about a  volunteer taxi service for the elderly that doesn’t just  run on Election Day? Could any of these ideas become  realities? Perhaps they may become necessities.

Communities can face increasing cuts in services  according to reports about the new proposed federal budget.  Just think what we could teach our kids with greater  commitment to community service.

Just think what we may  gain with greater cooperation with each other over common  causes?

Let’s face it, our culture has been pushing us towards  more individualism and isolation. Even now our government  continues to push us in this direction with the “ownership  society”. As we move in this direction, community services  shrink. That is where increasing cooperation between  community members comes in. If child care programs are  cut, for instance, communities will have to come up with  ways to fill the void.

What does this have to do with parenting? These  issues facing communities should be issues that concern  parents. A loss in services decreases supports to families  and makes family life more difficult – especially for those  who are not financially self sufficient. It is becoming a  necessity for parents to work for better communities. Here  are my suggestions to parents.

1. Parents need to break down barriers that lead to  isolation. Families need each other for support and  sharing of resources. If we all cloister in our own  homes, we will never achieve the necessary sense of  greater community.

2. TV and technology needs to be used more sparingly.  TV, Game boy, computer games, the Internet, Instant  Messaging and cell phones increase our isolation  from each other. How can we build community without  personal interaction? Young children don’t need  technology. They need best friends to play with –  and I mean interactive game play. As young kids  play together, bonds form between families – and a  community builds.

3. Families need to be involved in community activities.  Your involvement could be service oriented such as  working at a food pantry, or driving seniors to  the market. Through serving others, we receive  gratification for doing something good and our  children learn what it is like to give of themselves  to improve the situation of others in our community.

4. Parents need to recognize that each one of us will  have our turn to struggle. Few in our society are  so self sufficient that troubles with joblessness, loss of benefits, school problems and other family  struggles don’t rise up at some inoperative time.  Families should be open to give support to others and  to receive help when they need it.

5. Every community needs supportive services for  families. We cannot allow the push towards ownership  and individualism to continue to erode necessary community services. We need to push back and insist  that our government provide adequate supports to  schools, health care, child care, housing, police and  firefighting services that help keep our families  healthy and secure.

6. Parents need to raise their level of concern about  these issues to a new level. As parents we cannot  wait for further erosion of our schools or our health care system before we become aware and start taking an interest in these issues. These issues are tied to  family security for a majority of families. We, as  parents, have to break out of our isolated shells and  see where the trend is going. We need to teach our  children about the concern for greater community good  by expressing our interest in it.

So if you are interested in working on some of the  ideas I outlined above, get in contact with me or Stacy  Randall at Cape Ann Families. The time is now to work,  serve, and parent for a better community.

Behavior, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology

More Than One Way To Spoil A Child

Over my 20 + years of practice I have learned that spoiling a child comes in  different forms. Some forms of spoiling can be invisible to parents unless they think  about it. Parents can innocently fall into patterns of responding to their children that  inadvertently spoil their children in one way or another. So what are the ways we can  spoil children?

I break down spoiling to four forms, (1) all attention all the time, (2) no emotion  going unnoticed, (3) behavior gaining rewards and (4) getting anything they want. Let’s  look at each form one at a time.

Parents want to be attentive to their children and children yearn for attention. But  some kids work hard to get their parents’ attention and get it all the time. These parents  feel that they never get a break. The children grow up believing the world revolves  around them. They learn to be the entertainers. They love being the center of attention  and seek it out. Certainly kids need attention but they don’t need it 24/7.

The second form of spoiling is what I call “no emotion going unnoticed.” These  parents cannot bear to see their child experiencing an emotion without trying to care for it  for the child. This is fine when sharing a positive emotion. However, for many negative  emotions children learn that the parent is needed to take care of their emotion. They  learn that mom or dad takes on and fixes any sadness or disappointment. Children may  use this to get things they want by using emotion. No parent wants to see a sad or  disappointed child. Nevertheless, after defining the emotion and sharing some  experience with the same emotion, parents should not rob their children of the  opportunity to experience the emotion for themselves. These are important lessons for  children even if it is hard for parents to witness.

The third way of spoiling is when behavior gains rewards. This way of spoiling  is obvious for many people looking from the outside. We may see this in public places  when a child tantrums and gets rewarded with a toy or candy in order to stop the  behavior. Children learn to act out in certain ways to get what they want (or a suitable  substitute). Parents need to be aware of this and work to ignore negative behaviors. Be  sure that no behavior governs your action. Don’t work to get your children out of  negative zones. They need to control their own behavior without getting anything for it.

The last way children are spoiled is straight forward. These are the kids who “get  anything they want”. These kids learn that they can expect and get everything they want  whether they deserve it or not.  The world is theirs – even if they don’t earn it. These  kids are the ultimate in privileged children. Children need to learn to earn things they  want. They should not learn to receive through privilege.

Spoiling does not benefit children or our future society. Parents need to reflect on  these forms of spoiling and reassess how they approach their children’s emotion,  behavior and true needs. We want to care and provide for our children. But when we  overdo it, there are consequences for our children now and in the future. Each of these  forms of spoiling has a down side. Kids can learn to get the attention or to use emotion.  They can receive just by being the privileged son or daughter. What is it that you want to  teach your child about how the world works, how people earn a living, or how privileged  we are? What are you teaching them? Think about it. And then change your approach so  your child learns the right lessons about life.

Behavior, Cultural Influences, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Values and Morals

Mislabeling Your Mischievious Devil

“Oh, this one is our rascal!” “We’re going to have to  watch him.” “He’s my climber.” “He’s a devil.” “He is so  mischievous.” “She’s our sneaky one.” “She’s going to put us  in an early grave.” “We’re going to have to keep our eyes on  her.” How often do parents throw labels at their children? Is  it warranted? Does it do any good or does it reinforce behavior  we don’t want?

It is fascinating to see kids explore. They want to use new  talents to climb on stools, chairs and stairs. They want to look  at interesting new objects especially those with lights or  sound. And they want to copy what we do with the things we use.  They are naturally curious. So when kids start climbing chairs  and stools to get to our things that are out of their reach, why  are we surprised? Likewise, the TV remote is of interest to us  so kids find it fascinating. Stereo systems and other  mechanical things provide satisfaction for a child’s curiosity  into the adult’s world. It is no fault of children that they  develop interest in all things adults use. Yet it is usually  when children get into our things that they get their labels. It  is the child who learns how to turn on the TV, or take cookies  from a cabinet, or who sneaks off with the bag of chips that  gets assigned the negative label. There are better ways to deal  with this then labeling your child.

Labels really serve no purpose unless they are to  complement a child. “You are our piano genius.” “You really  know how to find lost things.” But labels with a negative  connotation do two things. First they tend to stick around. We  remember negative labels easily. Secondly, labels reinforce the  behavior by giving it too much attention. Parents end up  fulfilling their own prophecy of their “rascal” child by  repeatedly pointing out their “rascally” behavior. It is a  decent goal in all families to avoid negative labels put on any  child no matter how young or how old.

Instead of labeling, parents need to set boundaries for  their children. “You cannot play with the remote.” We can also  work preventatively by hiding the remote or putting it out of  range for temptation. Take corrective action. “You found the  remote again, I’m going go put it on the highest shelf now.”  Parents have to expect children to be inquisitive and curious.  It is not evil to be that way. By correcting these behaviors in  simple ways, we can avoid labels. As we do this, we must  remember to praise the positive in our children. After all, it  is the positive labels we want them to associate with  themselves. So label the positive, and simply correct the  negative without too much emphasis and attention. Our kids will  learn what is positive in their actions and gravitate towards  more positive actions. This way he or she won’t learn to be  your “mischievous devil”.