Your once compliant and loving daughter suddenly becomes  your worst critic. From the hats you wear to the way you drive  to how forgetful you are, you cannot catch a break from your  twelve-year-old expert in everything. What has brought on this  reign of terror from your lovely daughter? She’s wonderful to  her friends. She’s a teacher’s dream. Other parents love her.  But all you get is criticism. No, you can’t sell her to another family. But you can do something.

There is a stage in young teens where they begin to  question. They have heard your values. They have seen the way  you treat people and now as they approach early adolescence they  begin to question. They may often directly confront you about  some of your values. “Dad, you say we should help the poor but  you just walked past that guy who asked you for a dollar.  You’re just being a hypocrite!” Those direct challenges may be  answered rationally. But what about all the other opinions they  throw at you.

The first thing to recognize is that this state of  questioning is normal. Part of questioning the world, your  actions, and your values is to criticize. It really isn’t meant  to be a personal affront. It comes across that way but it is  not.

The time of early adolescence is a dramatic time of change.

To weather this time parents have to develop a tough skin.  Have confidence in your values and stand by them. “I do give to  the poor – more than you know, dear – but now was not one of  those times.” Don’t defend yourself too strongly. Show pride  in yourself and what you stand for. Take their criticism with  your head held high. It is more powerful to your kids that you  cannot be shaken by their challenges. This may be what they are  really looking for. Seeing you stand firm gives your kids a  stronger basis for the further challenges that lie ahead in  their teen years. They see your pride in yourself and may be  able to model that for themselves when others challenge them.

So don’t take it personally. Your young teen needs to  challenge and test you. Hold your head high even if your child  doesn’t want to be seen with you anymore. Keep your chin up  even if your twelve or thirteen year old thinks you’re a dweeb.  This is only a test, and how you pass it provides a stronger  base for their later challenges.