When I talk to parents about parenting, it seems we are in the midst of a struggle. Is parenting harder today? Why is it harder? How can we make it simpler?
There is a difference in family life today versus fifty years ago. Fifty years ago families were influenced more by church, neighbors, community, and time together than they are today. Today there is more influence on families coming from outside their home and neighborhood by TV, computer, and other media outlets. Information keeps coming at families at lightning speed. Time together becomes restricted by two working parents. Children participate in more activities outside their immediate neighborhood than they did fifty years ago. Our homes have become self-sufficient entities. We can be connected to the world, friends and relatives from a chair in front of our computers.
The time and the necessity to be involved with other families has decreased through our TV’s, computers and the internet.
Meanwhile, marketing to children is in full swing. Children influence family decisions through the empowerment granted to them by direct marketing. Parents’ authority has diminished and kids know it. Families feel it. Kids are in control. Even computer games and TV give children the feeling of having it all and deserving it. How can parents win any struggle in this era of the empowered child?
Parents do have power and need to exert the right to be in control of your house and your kids. First, recognize that what your children get from you is a privilege. You can control the number of privileges your child earns, and yes, they should earn their privileges. Too many kids get things without earning them just by saying, “Everyone else has it!”
Maintain a set of rules for your household. Children need clear sets of rules. Parents exert control by being the people who set the rules.
Demand respect from your children. Disrespect means loss of privileges.
Stop yelling. Yelling shows weakness and loss of control. You may then feel guilty and make decisions for your children from this place of weakness. By staying in control, you command more respect and exert more control over your children.
Decrease TV exposure and computer time. These empower kids and give them the sense that the world is at their pleasure. The less kids see advertisements and marketing ploys towards them, the less they feel that they just can’t live without the latest and greatest thing.
Make sure you have family time every week. Do an outing together. Eat meals together. Family time won’t always be perfect. But the time together provides a sense of belonging, and a sense of togetherness that kids really need.
Get together with other families without the electronics. Share meals, talk and play games. Community teaches children about friendship. It teaches them about other families. These lessons don’t come on their IPOD or FACEBOOK.
Hold your children responsible for their schoolwork and their chores. They need to work to improve themselves and for the greater good of the family. If they are held responsible for school and home responsibilities, you have a greater sense of control.
Parenting styles have changed. We can no longer just be the authoritarians in our homes. But, we can have a sense of control. We can develop our own parenting style. Read some parenting books. Get some parenting DVD’s. Think about your parenting. Kids feel empowered but they still need strong and secure parents. You can be secure in your parenting role and feel that parenting is less of a struggle.