The Parenting Struggle

When I talk to parents about parenting, it seems we are in  the midst of a struggle. Is parenting harder today? Why is it  harder? How can we make it simpler?

There is a difference in family life today versus fifty  years ago. Fifty years ago families were influenced more by  church, neighbors, community, and time together than they are  today. Today there is more influence on families coming from  outside their home and neighborhood by TV, computer, and other  media outlets. Information keeps coming at families at  lightning speed. Time together becomes restricted by two  working parents. Children participate in more activities  outside their immediate neighborhood than they did fifty years  ago. Our homes have become self-sufficient entities. We can be  connected to the world, friends and relatives from a chair in  front of our computers.

The time and the necessity to be involved with other  families has decreased through our TV’s, computers and the  internet.

Meanwhile, marketing to children is in full swing.  Children influence family decisions through the empowerment  granted to them by direct marketing. Parents’ authority has  diminished and kids know it. Families feel it. Kids are in  control. Even computer games and TV give children the feeling  of having it all and deserving it. How can parents win any  struggle in this era of the empowered child?

Parents do have power and need to exert the right to be in  control of your house and your kids. First, recognize that what  your children get from you is a privilege. You can control the  number of privileges your child earns, and yes, they should earn  their privileges. Too many kids get things without earning them  just by saying, “Everyone else has it!”

Maintain a set of rules for your household. Children need  clear sets of rules. Parents exert control by being the people  who set the rules.

Demand respect from your children. Disrespect means loss  of privileges.

Stop yelling. Yelling shows weakness and loss of control.  You may then feel guilty and make decisions for your children  from this place of weakness. By staying in control, you command  more respect and exert more control over your children.

Decrease TV exposure and computer time. These empower kids  and give them the sense that the world is at their pleasure.  The less kids see advertisements and marketing ploys towards  them, the less they feel that they just can’t live without the  latest and greatest thing.

Make sure you have family time every week. Do an outing  together. Eat meals together. Family time won’t always be  perfect. But the time together provides a sense of belonging,  and a sense of togetherness that kids really need.

Get together with other families without the electronics.  Share meals, talk and play games. Community teaches children  about friendship. It teaches them about other families. These  lessons don’t come on their IPOD or FACEBOOK.

Hold your children responsible for their schoolwork and  their chores. They need to work to improve themselves and for  the greater good of the family. If they are held responsible  for school and home responsibilities, you have a greater sense  of control.

Parenting styles have changed. We can no longer just be  the authoritarians in our homes. But, we can have a sense of  control. We can develop our own parenting style. Read some  parenting books. Get some parenting DVD’s. Think about your  parenting. Kids feel empowered but they still need strong and  secure parents. You can be secure in your parenting role and  feel that parenting is less of a struggle.