The Role Of Apologies In The Family

Your children get into a tussle. You see your three year old hit your two year old. You send him off for a  time in solitary confinement. After that you scold him  again and try to force an apology. He refuses and refuses.

It may sound obvious, but it needs to be understood  that we cannot berate someone into sorrow. We cannot  harass them to be contrite. It doesn’t work. This process  takes maturity. It is hard for adults to admit when they  are wrong. It is almost impossible for kids to admit they  are wrong. There is almost always an explanation (“he hit  me first” or “he grabbed that out of my hand”). A person  must be able to face that he is wrong before they can face  an apology.

The process of being wrong and acting contrite takes  three things. First, as mentioned above, one has to be  able to face that he or she is wrong. They have to be  sympathetic to the person who is wronged. And they have to  have the courage to say sorry. Obviously this takes a lot  of maturity and it takes a lot of education over time.

Children learn to apologize by witnessing our example.

Furthermore, children need to see where our sympathies  lie when we are correcting them. When we correct our  children for hurting someone the hurt person should get the  deserved attention instead of the perpetrator of the crime.