Your children get into a tussle. You see your three year old hit your two year old. You send him off for a time in solitary confinement. After that you scold him again and try to force an apology. He refuses and refuses.
It may sound obvious, but it needs to be understood that we cannot berate someone into sorrow. We cannot harass them to be contrite. It doesn’t work. This process takes maturity. It is hard for adults to admit when they are wrong. It is almost impossible for kids to admit they are wrong. There is almost always an explanation (“he hit me first” or “he grabbed that out of my hand”). A person must be able to face that he is wrong before they can face an apology.
The process of being wrong and acting contrite takes three things. First, as mentioned above, one has to be able to face that he or she is wrong. They have to be sympathetic to the person who is wronged. And they have to have the courage to say sorry. Obviously this takes a lot of maturity and it takes a lot of education over time.
Children learn to apologize by witnessing our example.
Furthermore, children need to see where our sympathies lie when we are correcting them. When we correct our children for hurting someone the hurt person should get the deserved attention instead of the perpetrator of the crime.