Today’s America is one of families separated and living individually. Many families are separated by long distances. Few remain together living with extended families under one roof. Some are lucky enough to have grandparents and grand kids in the same town. Nevertheless, no matter what your circumstance is with your grandchildren, grand parenting in today’s busy world is different than it used to be. So what is your role as a grandparent today? How do you negotiate the distances between you and your grandchildren? Or even if you are close to your grandchildren, how do you play a role in this speedy lifestyle families live today?
As a pediatrician I see grandparents join their children and grandchildren in health visits. Many grandparents bring their grandchildren in for sick or well visits. Some come to checkups while visiting from out of state. From my visits with these grandparents I have formulated some tips for grandparents today.
1. Whenever you get a chance be there and witness.
The world is different. Things are moving fast and families are fast moving. Telling your children to slow down won’t make it happen. Our culture has changed. But families need grandparents to be there. The role of a witness is important. Many things can be overlooked. And sometimes a grandchild just needs someone there to see what they did. “Did you see me do that flip, grandma? Wasn’t it good?”
2. Listen.
Many families need to work out their own solutions. Sometimes providing your two cents only adds to conflict. But being a wise listener may provide your child with the right sounding board to come up with the right solution.
3. Read to your grandkids.
Or listen with them to some books on tape. Even if your grandkids live far away share some of the same books or tapes. Reading and listening to stories allows our minds to relax. It creates a world in our heads. It continues to be educational to people at any age. And it gets your grandkids away from the TV and videogames. Read and talk about what you read.
4. Respect your children’s different parenting styles.
Parenting is a tough job as you well know. But times are different and an authoritarian style of parenting is no longer respected. Allow your children to grow into their roles as parents. Support them when they need it.
5. Spoil your grandchildren but carefully.
It is your role to treat your grandchildren as special little people. But grandparents have to be careful when health issues arise. Smoking near your grandchildren may be harmful if she is an asthmatic. And giving too many sweets to a child with a growing weight problem may be harmful to the family’s efforts. Grandparents have a right to spoil their grandkids so long as it is in a healthy way.
6. Provide a living history.
Grandparents are a bridge to the past. Children love stories of times long ago. Make sure your grandchildren know where his family came from. Let them learn about hardships in the past. Give them a vision of a world very different from theirs. They are important lessons for them.
I can’t rely on just my thoughts on grand parenting today. I only talk with grandparents but am not one myself. So I asked my children’s grandfather his opinion on what is important in grand parenting today. Here is what he told me.
“We have to have acceptance of where our children are at in their lives. We can’t hold resentment over things. We need to stay positive and stay current. And we need to work to maintain a spiritual connection with our children and their kids.”
There isn’t much to add except enjoy your grandchildren. Enjoy their smiles and giggles. Enjoy their comfort in your lap. Smile on them. Take in their joyful moments you get to share. It’s hard to get another chance. Make the best of whatever chance you have now.