Do you expect anything from your teen? Do they have chores?

Parents are used to setting limits for their teenagers.  “No you can’t go out tonight. You have too much to do at home!”

How can any parent expect their child to achieve anything  if you aren’t clear with what you expect? I have witnessed this  question in action many times. When discussing school grades I  often hear parents tell me that their son or daughter does  “fine” in school. When I inquire further I discover that barely  passing is acceptable to that parent. If I ask if their child  could do better, invariably the parent says “sure, if he only  applied himself.” It is hard to press a parent further but I  often wonder in my head “why don’t you expect him to do better  and apply himself?”

It is an unwritten law of teen parenting; children will  rise to the level of their parents’ expectations. (Of course  there are some conditions – realistic expectations, good mental  health, organizational skills, etc).

Realistic expectations are a sign of respect towards your  children. They tell your child that you think so much of them  that you think they can achieve. That is powerful to these kids  who are going through so much internal questioning. “My mom and  dad think I can make it through college.” Kids internalize  these messages and sense a positive image of their skills.

These are some prerequisites for parents to set proper  expectations. Parents need to recognize their children for who  they are. They need to fairly assess their skills. They need  to respect them for their abilities and compliment them. Then  parents can help children set some short and long term goals.  Parents and kids should reassess these goals periodically.  Monitor progress. Then back off when they are achieving well  and taking ownership for their own accomplishments. Keep  witnessing their progress and keep the complements coming.

This kind of system helps guide teens in setting and  holding expectations for themselves. They attain more skills  over time. In the area of expectations, if you do you job, they  will do theirs.