Ending The Argument

“Dad can I go to Dan’s house tonight?” “No, you know we’re  going to your sister’s concert tonight.” “Oh come on dad. You  know I hate those things. All my friends are going to Dan’s  house. Let me go, too?” “No, we think you should show support  for your sister. The whole family is going. And we already  decided this. You can go to Dan’s house anytime!” “This is  not fair! All my friends are going to Dan’s house and you  are making me go to this stupid concert. Can’t I go to Dan’s  instead?” “No, I said.” “You stink! You are the worst dad.  You are the only one not letting me go. You never let me do  what I want. You are so unfair.” “I let you go with your  friends all the time but this concert is important to your  sister.” “Well, it isn’t important to me. I want to go to  Dan’s house!” “Now you are sounding spoiled.” “I’m not spoiled  and I wouldn’t sound this way if you let me go this once.”  “This once – you are always over at Dan’s house.” “I haven’t  been there in three days. Besides, you are the only parent who  isn’t allowing their son to go. All my friends will be there.  Don’t be so unfair.” “No, you can’t go. I am not being unfair.  I give you a lot. I just think you are too spoiled.” “I’m not  spoiled. I just think you are the worst dad. You stink! I  hate you.” . . ..

How do arguments degenerate into name-calling? How can we,  parents, learn to get out of arguments quickly? How can we win?

  1.  Be sure of your decision. Before getting into an argument  with your child make sure you are willing to make your  “NO” answer stand. Children argue with us when we  are saying “no” to something they want. The time for  discussion is before your decision. But once you say “no”  it must stand. Get all the input and information you need  before you make your decision.
  2. In order to end an argument with your child, you must  recognize that you, the parent must end it. Your child  will never stop the argument. They will go on forever and  throw any name or any fault of yours into it. You must  plan on ending the argument. They will not.
  3. It is important to stay focused on the first subject of  the argument. (In this case, whether he can go to a  friend’s house.) Kids will confuse you by changing the  subject. Your child will have you arguing whether you are  fair or not, whether you stink or not, or whether you ever  let them do anything or not! If you keep replying to each  new accusation you will be arguing forever. Just keep  repeating your first answer “NO”.
  4. Don’t correct their rudeness or name-calling during your  argument. It only perpetuates the argument. “Don’t call  me names.” “Well, I wouldn’t be calling names if you let  me go to a friends house.”
  5. Don’t correct bad behavior during an argument or  immediately after or else you will get the same response  as above. “I wouldn’t go stomping around slamming doors  if you let me go to a friends house.”
  6. If they want to mope around after an argument, let them  mope. If you try to fix their mood, you will pay for it.  Let their mood fizzle away over time. By following these rules you will be called names and hear  slamming doors and see moods fizzle. But most importantly  you will see arguments ending with you on the winning side.  You can do it! Here’s to victorious parents now and in the  future.