Empowering Our Kids To Succeed

Our children naturally express uncertainty in  themselves at various times during their childhood. We see  this when a kindergarten child appears worried in the first  few days of school or when a child is hesitant in their  first swim class. We may even see it in our “A” students  who come up with bellyaches. The immediate response from  most parents is to express sincere concern. Naturally, we  don’t want our children to be unhappy at school or afraid  to swim or fear failure. This can set up an interesting  dynamic between parent and child. By expressing  uncertainty, a child actually is asking a question to their  parents. Their uncertainty is natural and as parents we  should expect our children to express uncertainty in  themselves in new and old experiences. What they are  really doing is asking the parent, “Should I be worried?”  In a majority of cases there isn’t a cause for concern.  Kindergartens are safe and nurturing. Swim programs know  how to bring kids along at their pace; and “A” students  usually don’t flunk. It is interesting that in the dynamic  between child and parent, our reaction to our children’s  concern may actually decrease their success. If our child  is asking, “Should I be concerned?” and a parent expresses  undue worry, then the child may see the parent giving  credit to their uncertainty. The child may then become  more concerned instead of more relaxed. If we don’t  respond to their uncertainty by giving it too much  credence, we can actually empower our children to succeed  over their natural uncertainty. So how can parents face  these normal, natural, and common expressions of  uncertainty that come from our children?

First, you should always express confidence in your  children’s ability to face typical childhood challenges  such as new school years, camps and basic lessons. They  need to meet these challenges and few are hurt in the  trying.

Over time parents need to make a realistic assessment  of their child’s skills. It is not helpful for a father to  be pushing a child through baseball even though the child  keeps getting hit in the head trying to catch a ball.  There is an activity for everyone but finding one that  truly fits your child’s skills is the real trick of  parenting.

Expect them to succeed in their skilled areas. Have  faith in them once they have demonstrated skill and  interest.

Be clear on your expectations. Uphold the value in  always trying your best and always reward good efforts!

We should expect uncertainty from our children even in  areas that they are skilled in. Remember, even straight  “A” students experience uncertainty in their ability to  maintain good grades.

Don’t be overly sympathetic to feelings of  uncertainty, but express confidence and encourage their  effort.

Have faith that other adults who act as surrogates for  you will tell you if your child’s concerns are valid.  Engage them in dialogue on the side and get an objective  look at the situation. If they do not have any concerns,  both adults can work together to encourage your child to  succeed.

We have opportunities to empower our kids to succeed  when they, as children, naturally question their own  abilities. In fact, they are looking to simply see whether  we have faith in them. When they feel our faith, they  succeed.