Category Archives: Age Group

Baby, Community, Cultural Influences, Family, Infant, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Toddler

Parents Role In Reading

There has been a growth of programs to increase reading. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a program  to increase reading at home. Libraries have always  emphasized reading. Radio programs are plugging reading  programs. A recent study showed that when adults have  books at home the more literate the household becomes. It  has been suggested that Pediatricians ask mothers during  office visits “How many books do you have at home?” as part  of an effort to increase reading. Certainly, reading is  important. But why all the effort to increase reading?

Some troubling statistics answer the question. Today  many college graduates in America cannot read and write  well. Many high school graduates fail reading and writing.  Americans, in general, are reading less. Book sales in the  U.S. have decreased. Books are losing to computers and  T.V. and as a result 30 percent of our high schoolers are  dropping out nationwide. It is a shame that it has to be  emphasized anew. Many years ago it was assumed that  Americans had high literacy and high education levels. But  today we are dropping. This is a cause for every parent to  take up. What can parents do?

Reading must be a factor in your parenting today.  Children need to see books. They need to hear words. They  need to see parents reading. It doesn’t have to be a chore.  Parents do not need to tediously teach their kids to read.  That is a role for teachers and schools. And not all  children learn to read at the same rate. Don’t panic if  you have a late reader. But kids need to see the  importance of books and reading everyday in their home.

Books on tape are a great alternative. It allows  children to use more imagination than videos. They can  play or draw while listening. During a long drive, books  on tape make the ride shorter. If the book isn’t over they  may not want the ride to end.

Keep reading and listening. Take trips to the  library. Use libraries as a resource for books for your  child. Always read a little above your child’s level so  they yearn to read bigger more interesting books. If you are worried about your child’s reading, talk to  your school. There is always extra help available. But  don’t give up at home – keep reading.

Lessons from books are in no short supply. From Greek  myths, to comedies, to English literature, our kids learn  more than words. Life’s lessons are taught through the  experience of centuries. Exposure to books is valuable to  kids and to families – for the lessons and the togetherness  they provide. But in the long run, reading provides an  added value to your child’s education that cannot be  provided in any other way then in their homes.

Age Group, Baby, Infant, Toddler

Our Brand-Name Children

Does your two year old recognize McDonald’s? Does your three year old want Sponge Bob underpants? Does your  six year old insist on Nike sneakers? Does your teen  refuse to wear anything but Abercrombie and Fitch clothing?

There is a disturbing truth at the heart of these  questions. By as young as two years old, many of our kids  are asking for specific brands. Many kids know the name  “Macdonald’s” before they know a name for a vegetable! The  marketing world loves it. They continue to reach farther  and farther into our kids’ world for every marketing angle  they can get, with new ones being invented all the time.  Even video games, for example, now come with products  marketed within the game. In Madden 2005, a football game,  fans drop bags of Doritos as they reach for a ball thrown  into the stands – a not-so-subtle advertisement for a not-so-healthy food.

But our kids live in this culture of buy, get and  receive. What’s the harm? Unfortunately, there is clear  harm. In this era of childhood obesity, literally billions  of dollars are being spent on hooking our kids on unhealthy  foods. Moreover, there is persuasive evidence that the more  children are tied into brand names and our consumer culture  the more likely they are to experience anxiety and  depression during and after their teen years.

I once saw Juliet Schor, an acclaimed sociologist from  Boston College who has researched what she calls “the  commercialized child and the new consumer culture,” speak  to a group of parents. In her most recent book, Born to  Buy, Schor examines the nature of the marketing world and  illustrates how advertisers will accept no limits when it  comes to coercing our children. In her talk she focused on  the negative effects over-commercialization on our  children’s mental health. Dr. Schor is the professor who  found from her research that our children are more likely  to become depressed the more tied in with the consumer  culture they are.

Dr. Schor went to great lengths to show us how the  marketers are using our children to affect all family  purchases from food to cars. It is not enough for marketers  to convince children to buy toys, now companies use  children to influence adult purchases as well.

The advertising industry has created a culture for our  youth that is not terribly healthy even viewed on the macro  scale. “Urban Cool” was chosen by marketers as the theme to  market to kids. Some products such as make-up and sexy  underwear are purchased and used at younger ages today  because marketing groups pushed down the age to which they  were cool and accepted. Some marketing is aligned with an  anti-adult theme. And “nag factor” and “pester power” are  now entwined in advertising lingo referring to how they can  use children to get to the parents. Is this scary to you?  It is to me.

What can parents do? We cannot possibly disassociate  ourselves from all consumer activity. Let’s face it we will  always need to buy food and supplies for our household.  However, I think there is a way to shelter our children  from the pressures advertising firms bear onto our family  life. My wife and I rarely bring our children shopping. We  throw away all store flyers that arrive at the house. We  recycle mail order catalogs before a page is turned. And,  of course, we minimize the exposure to the barrage of  advertising, we receive through electronic media and TV. It  is amazing how this reduces the calls of “mom, I need  this!”.

Part of the message from Juliet Schor is that our culture is being taken away and replaced by a consumer  culture. We can fight this culture war in other ways  according to Dr. Schor. Bring back family dinners. Take  back the outdoors. Discredit brand names. They are made by  underpaid laborers and overpriced for what they are. Be a  non-brand name family. Communicate with and enjoy the  company of like-minded families. Cook great meals and enjoy  good conversation. Have healthy hobbies and habits. All  these actions take culture back into your hands. You are  doing what you want rather than living a life being coaxed  into buying things you really don’t want or need. And by  all means possible, volunteer and help those who are less  fortunate then you are. Do this in all seasons- not just at Christmas and involve your children. You will be amazed at  the perspective this builds in them. Battling this culture  is a lifelong fight. But it may be a worthy one for you and  your family.

Baby, Diseases and Conditions, Infant, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Teen, Toddler

No Need To Fear Vaccines

What a terrible injustice to vaccine makers, and to doctors and nurses who give vaccines. The injustice was that of Wakefield  and his associates when they published a report in 1998 that  linked MMR vaccines with autism. That created a worldwide  furor (yes worldwide through internet scuttlebutt) over the MMR  vaccine and autism. Why do I call it an injustice?

The little told story of this incendiary conclusion of Wakefield  and friends is that their conclusion was false. In 2006,  seven out of ten investigators retracted their support for  Wakefield’s conclusions. Furthermore it was revealed that  Wakefield was funded by lawyers who brought cases against  vaccine companies. This fact has lead Wakefield to court to  defend his falsification of his data. So in fact, there has  never been a verifiable research study supporting an autism-vaccine link. Yet, the rumors and bad mouthing of vaccines  continue.  Many medical groups from different countries have  looked at vaccine data and have concluded just the opposite –  that there is no link between vaccines and autism. There is no  link between MMR vaccine and autism and there is no link between  mercury in vaccines and autism. So why do people still fear  vaccines?

It is easy for a family with an autistic child to conclude that  the autism diagnoses coincided with the end of the primary  vaccine series. That is a coincidence of timing – but not cause  and effect. Yet this makes it easy to perpetuate the vaccine  fear that vaccines cause autism. They do not. There is no  reason to fear vaccines. In fact, there is good reason to fear  not being vaccinated.

In my twenty-five year career in pediatrics I have seen cases  of measles, mumps, meningitis, chicken pox and polio – all  preventable through vaccines. We see dramatically less of these  harmful illnesses through the vaccines we give. Pediatricians  use to do spinal taps weekly on babies looking for meningitis.  Now spinal taps are a rare medical procedure in pediatrics.   Some people think that we don’t need to give these vaccines  as often since these diseases are more rare. Nothing can be  further from the truth. Last year, measles and mumps swept  across part of our country from the Midwest to the Northeast.  Other bacteria that cause ear infections, pneumonias, and  meningitis are still alive and well. Whooping cough still  troubles communities. Even polio is not eliminated worldwide.  The risks of vaccines are minimal compared to one death caused  by one of these nasty illnesses.

If you are worried about vaccines, you need not be.   Nonetheless, talk to your doctor. Bring this article to him  or her. See if your doctor can verify the truths in this  article. The fact of the matter is this, the worldwide rumor  mongering about vaccines has been a great force to battle. We,  in medicine, have not been very good at battling the vaccine  naysayers. But the evidence is clear and more confident  conversations about the great benefits of vaccines have to  occur. In reality, there is little fear. Vaccines save  lives and your child is safer in this world when he or she is  vaccinated.

Baby, Family, Infant, Parenting Tips

Navigating Through The Baby Information Ocean

Congratulations! You are going to have a baby. As you  get close to the time of having your child, after going  through nine months of pregnancy you face a new life and a  new world of information. The amount of baby information  is astounding. Just trying to buy the appropriate car seat  may require hundreds of pages of reading. The American  Academy of Pediatrics car seat pamphlet alone is six  pages long! Then there are thousands of newborn books,  magazines, websites, videos and tapes on all the other  aspects of care. By the end of your baby’s first month,  you can find yourself afloat on a virtual ocean of baby  information.

As a Pediatrician who for twenty-two years has enjoyed  counseling new parents, I have a set of guidelines to help  keep you from being overwhelmed by all the baby information  that surrounds us. Here is a guide for new parents to use  to go from novice to good parent.

1. There is not one expert that you must listen to.  Even when I advise parents in my practice, I tell  them that what I offer is only advice. Advice can  be used or discarded depending on how it suits you.  With your baby you are the parent and only you will  become the expert on your baby.

2. There is nothing more valuable than a few good  friends. Your friends who have seen through  child rearing may have valuable things to offer to  you. Support from a trusted source such as your  mother or an intimate friend, is as time tested as  pregnancy itself. Unfortunately with our mobile  society, this part of child rearing has become harder  to maintain. Nevertheless, finding the right people  to support you can be critical to your success  especially in the early days of your parenting  career.

3. Trust yourself. Though you will need support as a  new parent, you also need to have faith in yourself.  Most of baby care is using common sense. And I must  say that through all my experience I have mostly  witnessed good use of sense from parents. We all  have to grow into our parenting roles. This takes  time. None of us have parented before and none of us  go through a training program. This gives us plenty  of room for self doubt. But have faith. Many people  have gone before us and learned on the job as we  will. You will do well. Take your time. This is an  overwhelming experience with an overwhelming amount  to learn. Stay committed to learning and you will be  a great parent.

4. Take in a little at a time. We already established  that there is a huge amount of baby care and child  rearing information. But nobody uses all that  information all the time. Having resources at your  disposal when you need it may be a more functional  approach to the information. Have your friends or  your pediatrician suggest some books to have at your  disposal. A few key books, a good local library, and  perhaps a parenting magazine subscription (a good  baby shower gift) may be all you need. Magazines  are good to keep since you’ll never know when that  back issue will be just the answer for the current  problem you’re having with your child. Getting the  information when you need it is practical and less  stressful than trying to know everything there is to  know about babies all at one time.

5. Choose what works for you. When you are facing a  problem with your child you will face a time when  your pediatrician says one thing, your mother another  and your favorite magazine a third. No two people  raise their babies the same way. Likewise, nobody  always has the exact advice you need for your baby.  You are allowed to make a decision for yourself on  what to do with your baby. There is no right or  wrong way to raise a child. Do what your heart says  is right. You have to be the one comfortable with  your own parenting.

6. Finally, the most important thing is to love your  child. Sometimes we can be so worried about whether  we are doing things right that we forget the most  important things. No decision we make will break  our baby’s childhood. Relax. Smile, play with your  baby. With enough support and resources available  we should feel empowered to feel good about being a  parent. We should relieve ourselves of the pressure  we feel. And recognize that the most important  parenting rule is that our children should feel loved  and cared for. So love your child and everything  will be ok. You’ll feel like you are surfing above  that information ocean.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Toddler

Just Do It

Your usually compliant fifteen month old starts arching her back to avoid getting into her car seat. Tooth brushing is met with firmly sealed lips. Perhaps changing  into pajamas gets to be a struggle. Suddenly everything you do with your 15 to 18 month old child’s body becomes a  wrestling match. What is going on? How should parents face these challenging struggles?

I see many parents who spend time every day trying to  rationally talk their toddler into doing what the parents  want. They often give up with a frustrated shrug saying  “he just won’t cooperate”. It is quite natural for  children of this age to refuse to have things done to their  bodies. At a year and a half of age children become very  focused on “me”. They strive for control of things for  themselves. At the same time that they refuse to have  things done for them they often demand that “I do it”. Of  course they may not have the skills to do things well such  as brushing their teeth or buckling their car seat.  Nevertheless, they want to do it themselves. Interceding  with their process causes a fit. So what is the best way  to face this willfulness?

Children at this age do not respond to reasoning very  well. After all, they do not have a reasonable assessment  of their ability to accomplish certain tasks, do they?  Parents will waste time and energy trying to rationally  discuss the approach to the problem at hand. We do better  giving the child a fair chance at the task and them taking  over with “our turn”. Many children won’t react well to  even a shared task. Nevertheless, parents need not allow  the child to control the situation for too long. After a  couple of options and a certain amount of time my wife and  I would resolve the situation by saying “sorry, its time to  just do it”. We would know that we would face a struggle  but we would be ready for it. The first step in “doing it”  was being in position to avoid an escape. Often my son or  daughter would need to be held. Gentle consistent pressure  would overcome any back bending resistance to a car seat.  It takes practice to hold your child and brush teeth or  change a diaper. A colleague of mine was in the practice  of changing a diaper with her knees holding her child’s  torso so her face, body and arms faced her child’s legs. Her arms were free to clean the dirty diaper area. It  seems mean and we need to be careful about how much force  we use. But because many toddlers resist things that need  to be done, parents need to have a point to “just do it”.  It’s not only a slogan for Nike. It is a necessity in homes with toddlers around. Yes we can give toddlers  choices. We can give them a moment to decide to cooperate.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Teen, Values and Morals

It’s Not Fair

You say “no” to your eight year old. He has enough legos and he doesn’t need ones he has. Then you hear it. “It’s not  fair. Jimmy has that one. How come I can’t get it?” Now you  feel a little guilty. He’s right; his friend Jimmy does have  it. But your son has enough. Should you change your mind?

“It’s not fair.” What a phrase! How do kids learn to use  this? All parents have to realize that all kids use this phrase  to try to guilt their parents into giving them what they want.  All kids! It fascinates me how they learn to use it. Kids must  know that you care to please them. They know that. It becomes  a universal play children use to make you feel that you are not  pleasing them as much as every other parent is pleasing their  children. The follow up to “it’s not fair” is “everyone else  has it”. Do they really know that “everyone else has it” or  “gets it” or “is going to get it”? Of course not. But since  when does a child’s argument have to be factual.

Meanwhile, parents are overloaded. We work more hours. We  spend less time as a family. So many parents compensate by  getting things and giving in to their kids. No wonder kids  learn that “it’s not fair” plays into the parent’s guilt by  making parents feel like they are depriving them not only with  less time together but also with not getting them what everyone  else has.

However, there is a lesson that kids need to learn. Kids  need to know that life isn’t fair. It never is and never will  be. Nor should our kids expect it to be. Many young adults  today are suffering depression from the shock of trying to  sustain all that was handed to them when they were younger as  they enter the “real world” and have to earn things for  themselves. They are learning too late that life isn’t fair.

This doesn’t mean that we should purposely deprive  children. It does mean that we have to recognize this play of  “it’s not fair”. Children shouldn’t be teaching parents about  fairness. We should be teaching them. To start, we need to  face down this play by saying “You are right. It is not fair.  But you can’t always get something because you want it.”  (Editorial comment – The advertising campaign by a certain car  company, which says, “a strong want is a justifiable need” is  teaching a horrible lesson!)

Kids don’t have a good sense of fairness. They learn this  by having good rules that apply to all at home. They learn  fairness from what example we show. Do we treat others with  respect and fairness?

Alternatively, our kids also need to learn unfairness.  Unfairness that hurts people should be fought. This goes for  parents and children to fight injustice in our society on the  small scale and the large scale. But small bits of unfairness –  when a friend gets to go some place special and your child  doesn’t – or when their friend has something they don’t – your  child needs to learn that you can’t always get what you want.  This is really less about fairness and more about how children  learn about disappointment – an emotion they need to learn!

Baby, Behavior, Infant, Parenting Tips, Psychology, Toddler

In Their Faces

A one month old looks passively around the exam room and finally meets my eyes. He stops and stares with wonder.  He found something he enjoys looking at – an oval face.

A two month old takes a shorter time to search the room and  find my face. He doesn’t just stare, he smiles and coos –  as if he has things in his head to say but doesn’t know how  to get the words out.

A four month old looks right at me and smiles and coos.  Sometimes he screeches out loud to get my attention. He  doesn’t want me to talk to his mother he wants my total  attention.

At six months of age, a baby looks at me with a frown at  first. He tries to judge my emotion. If I turn to him and  frown, I could make him cry. But I never do that. I know  what he is looking for. As I go over to the exam table I  smile widely. My little friend responds with a beaming  smile and a gurgle.

It gets harder at nine months because at that age they  don’t like any smiling faces, they prefer the faces they  know and love – mom and dads. But that’s okay with me  because as they cry in response to me in the office at  nine months of age, I take comfort in knowing they are  developing well.

I am so lucky to have a job where every week I get to  experience babies. I love to see the changes in their  responses to me as they develop.

Watching children develop is such a joy. I never tire of  seeing it happen. It is something we should all enjoy and  take interest in.

The development in children in the first five years is  absolutely fascinating. They start with responding to  faces with smiles and coos. They progress to knowing their  parent’s faces and preferring those faces to others. They  start learning words in order to interact better. They  fear strangers yet act like the world is theirs to explore  When not getting their way with the world, they start  having temper fits. But as language and understanding  improve the fits go away and sharing begins. Through  sharing and interaction more words and language come. And  when learning more about that language a fascinating world  of the alphabet, letters and labels becomes awakened.  Before we know it, our child is ready for kindergarten.

The first years of our children’s lives are precious  because of this amazing development that occurs. Ninety  percent of their brain development occurs in those first  five years. But they cannot develop alone. This is why  we need to pay attention to our children. They need us  because they can only develop in these vital years through  interaction with us. We need to remember to turn off the  distractions – the TV’s, the movies, the computers – and  stay in our babies’ faces. By being “in their faces” they  develop the skills they need to interact. And by being  in our children’s faces we get to witness it all unfold.  Parents shouldn’t forget this lesson just because our kids  get older. Almost at any age our children can learn from  us. In order to do that they need to interact with us.  This is what family time should be all about – interacting  and watching them grow before our eyes.

Behavior, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Toddler

How Should We Handle a Crying Child?

Much attention has been given to handling a crying baby. But what about a crying child. I have heard people deal with crying children in inappropriate ways. I hear  phrases like “Stop your crying!” That phrase never helps. Other phrases are tossed around such as “If you don’t stop crying you’ll really get it!” Or finally I often hear, “Oh  just take it, you crybaby?”

When our children are babies we often have solutions  for crying. As children get older we become frustrated with our lack of control of our child’s cry. We can no  longer just feed, rock or console our child out of crying. Yet we want them to stop their crying. It is just human  nature to want crying to stop. But should our desire to  stop the crying govern our actions? Of course not. Everyone needs to realize the natural tendency to do, say  or give things to make crying stop. But we should refrain from doing those things. How should we respond to a crying  child?

First we must ask why the child is crying. Did they  miss out on getting something? Is there a disappointment they are facing? Were they physically hurt? Are they  angry? Emotionally hurt by a friend? We are the adults.  We can usually figure out why someone is crying. And if we  figure it out, we should explain that to the child so they  understand why they are crying.

Then we should put that reason for crying in  perspective. “Your hurt (pain) will go away. We all get  disappointed at times. Your friend hurt your feelings and  that is hard for anybody.” With this we can help with some  physical touch, pats on the back or hugs – whichever is  appropriate. By explaining the “Why” of the hurt and just  being there we have expressed understanding and empathy.  That is what a crying child needs.

The crying may not end after that but our job is not  to stop the crying. We need to squash that natural desire  to just get the crying over with! Many times we need to  let them cry. We should not excuse it. (Oh he’s just  tired). That dismisses any true emotion there is. We  should not reward it. (An ice cream will stop that crying.)

Baby, Diseases and Conditions, Family, Infant, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Teen, Toddler

Good News About Vaccines

For the past several years I have found myself on the defensive over a very fundamental treatment I provide as a pediatrician. I have been giving children vaccines according to the American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines for 22 years. But in recent years there has been a backlash against the very vaccines we use to prevent known serious illnesses. As a response to this backlash I built a file of articles that supported the use and defended against supposed side effects of the vaccines. In recent days there has been great news about vaccines to add to my file. The news is they are safe and do not cause autism.

In the late nineties two events stoked the fires of skepticism about vaccines. First, in 1998, a well known British medical journal, the Lancet, published a report based on work of thirteen prominent physicians stating that the MMR vaccine was associated with autism. A storm of controversy over the use of the MMR vaccine followed. The second event in the late nineties that caused a furor was the removal of thimerosal from vaccines. Thimerosal, a preservative used in vaccines, contains mercury. It has never been shown to be a health hazard. However, because of the potential for buildup of mercury in the body, it was prudent to remove thimerosal from vaccines. This was done on a voluntary basis by the manufacturers. Just that move caused speculation that vaccine manufacturers were hiding something. Further speculation followed that thimerosal was associated with autism – with no medical evidence proving it.

Through the early part of this decade, scientists and lay people have battled on both sides of the argument. Advocates for parents of autistic children questioned the MMR and thimerosal link while doctors and researchers tried to study the association. Now, within the past two months two news reports help clarify the reality.

First, in April, ten of the original thirteen investigators who published the link between the MMR vaccine and autism retracted their conclusions. It was revealed that the study, which was funded by lawyers who focus on vaccine damage cases, was markedly flawed. The original study that served as a basis for legal cases involving the MMR vaccine around the globe was biased. The lead investigators in the study are currently under legal investigation for conflict of interest.

A second story about vaccines came out in May 04. The Institute of Medicine released a report by its thirteen member panel saying that there was “little credible evidence that thimerosal was associated with autism“. Autism is a complex and difficult problem for parents and children. I know many autistic children and their families. There is still no clear explanation for autism. I wish there was. But at least we can learn some lessons from these two reports.

These two reports are of great value to physicians who promote vaccines for kids. The first report about the authors of the Lancet article takes the wind out of the sails of the MMR – autism relationship. It had been viewed with skepticism and was never supported by other research. But now to have the original authors retract their opinions makes the original article meaningless. Coupled with research disproving the MMR autism association we can now put this speculation to rest.

The thimerosal argument was piggybacked onto the MMR argument for those who wanted to link vaccines to autism. But with “no credible evidence” for such a link we can now be doubly reassured that vaccines have no connection with autism.

The general public never sees the illnesses we seek to prevent with vaccines. The illnesses are awful and often deadly. It is one of the miracles of medicine that we have vaccines for our children. Due to vaccines far fewer children need respirators, spinal taps, intravenous medicines, hospitalizations, ER visits, and intensive care unit treatments. We see far fewer cases of meningitis than we saw even 10 years ago. And in our lifetime – we will see polio eliminated worldwide because of vaccines.

So when I give immunizations to children these days, because of the recent news, I give them with renewed confidence that they are the most valuable preventative care treatments I give to children. I feel so lucky to have them. Now, I just hope more people can be reassured about their safety.

Behavior, Family, Parenting Tips, Pre-Teen, Psychology, Teen

Getting Your Child to do Chores

Wouldn’t it be nice if one Saturday, you wake up and your kids say to you, “Mom, can we do chores today?” Then  as you sit happily sipping coffee and reading the newspaper your kids clean their rooms whistling while they work.  Even the bathrooms and mud hall get cleaned! This  obviously is a scene from a fantasy movie. It will never  happen in your home or mine.

It must be one of the most universally dreadful of all parenting jobs to try to get your kids to do chores. You  dread it. Kids resist and resent it. And after hours of pushing the issue, you end up doing most of it yourself.  There must be an easier way!

Well, there isn’t. (I should end the article here,  but I’ll add a few tips.) Children do need chores. They need to accept some responsibility for maintaining your home. Chores should be age appropriate for your children and should increase with age. Certainly write them down and post them on your ever expanding refrigerator billboard. But those are the basics we all know.

The biggest secret to getting chores done is that kids need us to do things for them. That gives us leverage to  have them do things for us. So, to get chores done, try these suggestions.

On chore day, stop serving your kids until the jobs are done. Respond to no requests, demands or inquiries. Stick to this. Keep on them about their chores but use  your presence rather then your voice. Accept less then perfect performance at the beginning but expect improvement over time. Teach them what you expect. Be persistent about having chores and getting them done. They will never like it. They will always grumble. Don’t grumble back.  Remember they are very uncomfortable with your silence.

If you can distance yourself from their grumbling,  persist in the chore demand, resist any of their requests  and pester them with your presence instead of your words, you might get a chore or two out of those lazy leeches you  call your children! If not, send them to my house and I’ll put them to work.