“It’s time for dinner, Johnny. Come to the table. Johnny, it’s time to stop playing and come eat. Come eat  Johnny.

JOHN JOSEPH FANNING the third YOU GET TO THIS TABLE  RIGHT NOW !

Why don’t they listen the first time? Listening.  Hearing. Cooperating. How do we get kids to do these things? Why do they make us yell? Perhaps it’s because  they know they don’t have to listen until they get you to

So what are kids thinking? From their perspective, they are listening. They listen to your voice to  progressively increase in volume. They listen to your tone  get more strained. And then when you get to the most  strained voice and highest volume, they act. It appears to  me they know exactly what they are doing. As you are  trying to control them, they control you.

To get kids to listen they need to know that we mean it before we get to that loud strained voice. Perhaps we  should call once then go and touch them to be sure they heard. Then gauge whether they are willing to part with  what they are doing. Giving them some warning ahead of  time helps with this part. Then as you touch them, meet  their eyes and tell them again it is time to come. Then wait there a second. They hate parents to hover over them.

Of course not all listening problems are solved so quickly. Parents need to realize that kids don’t like  being ordered around like a disrespected employee. Nobody appreciates being treated like that. So we have to back up and think about how we talk to them. Do we yell a lot? Do  we order them around? Are we always telling them what do do and not letting them think for themselves. These actions will make children want to tune us out.

To help children listen better, keep your voice even. Use nonverbal cues like touch, meeting their eyes and  getting down to their level. Stop giving orders and commands. Give options instead. Sometimes just present the problem you are having and see if they can come up with a solution. The solution might not be what you exactly want but it might work as well.

Getting our kids “to listen” is a perennial problem  for parents. We always think of it as their problem with  hearing and cooperating. But if we turn this problem to be  ours then perhaps it is really at least in part a problem  of how we present ourselves and our daily concerns to our kids.