Your husband took the kids shopping the other day. You noticed when they got home that everyone got a little  treat from dad while shopping. Everyone came home happy. Now it is your day to have the kids with you shopping and  you decide that they should not get treats. The result is  a chorus from the kids, “Well, Dad let’s us get one!” At  this moment, your husband is lucky he is not in your vicinity!! Now you are left to question, how do you solve  this conflict? Is it okay for an individual parent to  treat their children differently than the other parent?  Shouldn’t both parents be “consistent” like the parenting  books say?

It doesn’t take long for many parents to recognize  that different styles of parenting work in different  situations. One parent may be better at getting kids to  bed. The other might be better at getting kids off to  school. Each parent is not going to handle specific  situations the same way. In a sense, it is just an  unrealistic expectation for parents to always be  “consistent” in their styles and approach. But, there are  circumstances where one parent might have to ask the other  parent to be consistent with their approach. Negotiating  those times when consistency is necessary is a critical  part of parenting.

When is it necessary for parents to be “consistent”?  Usually, consistency between parental approaches is  necessary when one parent’s approach is causing child  behavior difficulties for the other parent. So, in the  above shopping scenario, if the mother says “no” to a treat  and she gets troublesome behavior, then she should discuss  this with her husband. Perhaps a rule over treats at the  store should be established. Once the rules are set, both  parents have to be “consistent” in carrying out household  rules.

The trouble most families have is that a parent may  not want to accept that their approach caused a problem for  the other parent. It takes a little humility and  swallowing of pride to recognize that what we do causes  problems for our spouse. But if we can respect our  spouse’s judgment and be open to a discussion over rules,  we can provide a household with a unified leadership for  our children. Our kids learn that their parents work  together, communicate over problems, and enforce rules  together. Those lessons alone pay big dividends for our  children as they grow older.