Back To School Again

For many families the yearly ritual of preparing the return to school consists of buying new clothes, a backpack,  lunch bag, shoes, pencils and rulers. But for kids it can  be something more than the shopping spree handles. For  children, “back to school” means starting a new job. You  know that feeling you have when you start a new job? What  is my boss like? Can I meet the expectations? Will this  be harder than my old job? What are my colleagues like?  Will I fit in? These questions are not unlike the unspoken  questions that linger below the surface for most children  entering a new grade. How do we help our kids with these  questions?

The first thing we need to understand is that this is an  anxious time for children. That is the primary reason why  their behavior may be worse at the end of the summer (and  why we want them back in school). As kids try to stretch  out their fun, push our limits, and deny the inevitable  first day of school, our frustration rises. But we can  respond better to our kids if we understand their actions  in context with their anxiety. It may be appropriate for  kids to have a last hurrah of summer fun. But it is also  appropriate for them to prepare for the school year. Here  are some tips for getting your kids ready for success in  their new job.

  1.  Address their fears with confidence and  encouragement. All kids exhibit fears and doubts.  These are often an indirect way for children to ask  their parents “Should I be worried? How do you  think I will do in school, mom?” Viewing their  fears in this light makes our jobs as parents  easier. Even though we may be emotional about  our child’s next step in the progress of life (1st day of Kindergarten, to packing up for college)  these questions tell us what our job is. We must  reflect back to our children the confidence we have  in them. Clearly expressing confidence in their  ability in meeting your expectations is what our  children need when they express signs of fear about  a new year in school Of course, what you expect  needs to be appropriate for your child.
  2. Discuss your expectations for their school  year. What kind of grades do you realistically  expect your child to achieve? Express faith in  their ability to achieve. Then discuss other  expectations such as homework time, bedtime and  other house rules. The right structure at home  can help your child succeed. By setting the  expectations and ground rules at the beginning of  the year, we can help our kids succeed right from  the start.
  3. Ease your kids back to a school sleep schedule. It  is hard to start the first week of school too tired  to face the work. Towards the last week of summer  and Labor Day weekend, set bedtimes so that by the  first day of school your kids are “on schedule.”
  4. Plan on getting to know the expectations the school  has for your child. Talk to her teacher at the  beginning of the year. How much homework will  there by? How challenging will each subject be  for your child? Based on last year, what are  your child’s strengths? Weaknesses? How can you  support him best in those subjects?
  5. Set up an area for successful homework completion.  Find an area at home where your child is  comfortable working. It should be an area where  you can be close to help out when he needs it. All  the necessary supplies (pens, paper, glue, and  scissors) should be available at your homework area  just like at school or a home office. Discuss with  your child expectations for homework. It depends  on your child whether homework should be done right  after school or after some play time. Just make  it clear from the start that school doesn’t end  at the final bell. It must continue at home. By  setting some standards for homework with the right  supplies, space, and time frame, you give the  message that you value this part of their school  work.
  6. Check in with your child about his/her friends.  Children feel more comfortable in school if they  have a good group of friends. Conversely, children  have a harder time with school if they are lonely  or picked on. Bullying happens frequently in  schools. If you are worried about this with  your child, check in with their teacher and if  necessary, school officials. These issues need to  be addressed at every school and parents shouldn’t  handle it themselves.

We cannot take away the dread of the first day back to  school for our kids. But what we can do is be open about  realistic expectations and set up a structure for them  to achieve. Focusing on this can help our children feel  confident and ready for the new year’s challenges.