The perils of drug use are taught in schools across the country. DARE programs continue to be well funded in school. Most kids I talk to at age 12 say alcohol & drugs are stupid and that they will never use them. Yet our kids are still using alcohol and drugs by 18 in numbers that distress families, police, teachers and pediatricians. Experimentation is even more common then chronic drug use. As our kids grow, alcohol and drug use becomes the biggest fear for parents. The key question is what is the common denominator for those who stay off drugs.
There are many factors that contribute to drug prevention in our teenagers. Knowledge of drugs and the toll they take is only one factor, perhaps the smallest one. Kids are getting that kind of education. But it is certainly not enough.
Knowledge of family history is another factor that families tend not to talk about. Addictive behaviors to drugs and alcohol are strongly inherited. Even though kids may not need to know their parents experimentation history, (what we did in college is irrelevant to today’s alcohol and drug environment for many reasons), kids do need to know how many family members are afflicted with alcohol and drug problems. If you have breast cancer in the family, your daughter needs to know that. If you have alcoholism in the family, all your kids need to know that.
How we provide examples for partying is another factor. A cavalier attitude to your own alcohol or drug use is a direct permission slip to teens to try it out themselves. If you are responsible to yourself, your body and to others who drink at your house, your kids are more likely to mimic that behavior over time. This is why there is less alcoholism in Italy where the family dinner with a glass of wine is the norm for drinking versus the U.S., England, and Australia where partying during sport events are the norm.
Stress and pressure is another factor. This cannot always be controlled especially in our society. It is just important to note that stressful family times may result in greater experimentation. Healthy outlets for stress are important to cultivate so that kids learn that a good workout is better then tying one on.
Even after covering all that, parents need to recognize that the greatest factor in teens drug and alcohol use is their perceived value of themselves. I am not talking just about ego or pride. There are plenty of football stars, class presidents, and cheerleader captains who crash and burn over drugs. Many big drinkers have big egos. I am talking more of a sense of true value. How is your teen valued by others? How much does your teen feel valued and loved by you? I feel this is the key factor in drug prevention.
Remember when your kids were two and you saved their lives several times a day. You kept them from running in the street or falling off the slide. You didn’t allow them to bike ride around the block or separate too far from you in the supermarket. You did this because you valued them. Well, teen years are not the time to stop. Parents often say, “I love you” in negative ways – by limiting freedom to keep our kids safe. As we parent teens, we need to continue to set limits to keep them safe. Supervision is important to prevent alcohol and drug use. We must say “no” to underage drinking and unsupervised parties. The key factor however, is to let them know why we limit their freedom. We value and love them. We care about their safety. Because we care and always will, it is the nature of being a parent.
Yes, we need to educate our kids about drugs. Tell them our family history. Be a good example. But we also need to stay involved. We shouldn’t be overly reactive. We need to respect their need for more freedom. Value them for who they are and what they do. Respect their interests and acknowledge their accomplishments. Be there to supervise and prevent their experimentation as long as you can because you love them and you care.